Choose your own adventure

yes

then D it is!

> one member of the crowd aims a shotgun at you and says something about that being really disgusting what you're doing to the ferret. you quickly throw a knife into his left eye. Several other crowd members draw their weapons. You release your pet rock and allow it to distract them while you dual wield your knives and being to slice and dice. a two members of the crowd throw rakes at you but you cut one of them through the throat, and stick the other's chest with your knife. having run out of knives, you beat the last armed crowd member senseless with your halberd's shaft before plunging the blade into his stomach. the rest of the crowd flee the scene. you decapitate the bodies and set the heads on the road as an example to anyone else who would dare cross you.

You stoop and pick up the shotgun and ammunition left by the first slain crowd member before carrying the talking ferret to a starbucks just around the corner.

You have gained an item! -shotgun-

A) enter the starbucks
B) go back to a previously mentioned location (warehouse, brothel, grocery, street)
C) drop the ferret and do either A or B

D: Fire my shotgun at anyone on the street below.

I edited my post.

I didn't notice you had posted since I was typing.

So ummmm yeah....

A

I'll combine what rot and tim wanted.


> you enter the starbucks, carrying an unconscious ferret and spattered in other people's blood. you see before you a cashier, who looks scared of your appearance. the cashier picks up a phone. You assume the cashier is attempting to summon police so you shoot the phone, chamber another shell, and blow the cashier's chest open. When the manager protests, you fire two shells into her. Any other starbucks employees must have fled because you don't see any more.

A) loot the corpses
B) harvest the corpses for organs
C) look inside the cash register
D) take some coffee and chill with the talking ferret
E) go back to a previously mentioned location

D

> you make up your mind to go somewhere else

A) the street
B) brothel
C) grocery
D) warehouse
E) [make something up]

We chose D, not E! I DEMAND COFFEE!

> the narrator is taken out and shot in front of your very eyes. Seeing this disturbing image only causes you to yearn for some coffee. You drop the ferret on a table and go behind the counter for some coffee.

A) black
B) something that claims to be coffee but has random stuff put in it to hide the fact that yes, it really is coffee deep down

A

A

A!

And, can we loot the register while we're at it?

B

> you set the coffee beans into a magic coffee maker and push the button "black coffee" to receive two steaming cups. You return to your table and push a cup over to the waking ferret. "I say, why in blazes did you get coffee? I want me damn tea!" You stare at the ferret blankly...
"you said we could go out for some coffee mate, what's gotten you so uppity?" you reply to the ferret's outburst
"you raped me in front of witnesses you bloody tosser!" it shot back
"Indeed I did, and I liked it" (you)
"dad gum..." (ferret)
"stop using random british slang that doesn't fit together" (you)
"Nevah!" (ferret) "and I fancy a cuppa, not this black yank nonsense"

A) try to reconcile your differences with the talking ferret
B) slap some sense into that wanker
C) use the 32 oz steak
D) drink your coffee
E) shoot the ferret with your shotgun

B

B

only talking gold fish can use british slang...

B

A

> you raise your hand and bitch slap that wanker. The ferret swears and jumps at your face to attack. realizing your danger, you knock the ferret back with the butt of your shotgun and slap it again.
"bloody hell" it says
seeing that it hasn't learned its lesson, you strike the ferret again and again. the now blue-faced ferret attempts to flee, and you nearly allowed it to, when it shot a remark over its shoulder "cheerio mate"
this causes you to fly into a rage and leap at the ferret. in midair, you consider your options

A) skin the talking ferret
B) throw the ferret into a blender
C) shoot the ferret with your shotgun
D) drown and burn it in a vat of boiling coffee
E) strangle it and leave it in a dumpster

B

And BB, can I marry your mind?

No, because that would require marrying my body. And while I do think you're damn sexy, I don't really want to get married at this point in my life, nor move to Norway to be with you.

F: Throw it into a blender WITH the 32oz steak

G: harvest its organs