I hate them.

Rasq'uire'laskar wrote:*Laughs.
I have yet to play Oblivion, and I can't remember what the Diablos are like, but I have to say this.
I hate RPGs.

For one reason, all the storylines are the same.

"Congratulations! You, yes, YOU, have been selected and made unique because of an arcane prophecy/family bloodlines/your mentor was killed/your brother or dad was killed/the random alignment of the Sun, Venus, Mars, and the left wart on your mother's nose. Please check one."

"You will now start out with a garden rake and fight your way against all manner of cliched and overused medieval characters, conveniently fighting progressively stronger enemies in progressively greater numbers and encountering progressively stronger weapons and spells in progressively more expensive shops, becoming stronger in hours, when it takes other, more dedicated soldiers years to become as good as you did."

"You will meet up with a group of people, who will conveniently level up as fast as you do, and then you will all take on the Archvillian, who leveled a 100,000-man army of elves in the opening cutscene. Or you will kill the Dark Priests who are about to resurrect the Dark Lord Tracknor from his thousand-year slumber, whilst the rest of the world has grown complacent and has forgotten him. But, of course, you will arrive thirty-two seconds too late, and you will have to fight him while he is still weak, and destroy the Stones of Power which are regenerating his health, or attack him when his PWNZER Power has drained his invincibility ability."

"Stand. Fight. Hack and slash. May your garden rake serve you well, until you find that wooden dagger that grants +2 health."

"And remember to say hi to the cat-people, who never fail to crop up in EVERY SINGLE RPG."

Seriously, folks. At least 95% of all RPGs fall into this category, and an additional 4% share similar characteristics. Surely, there have been new features, like pets or powers, or First Person View or co-op, but don't look for innovation in the typical RPG.

I hear Mass Effect is better, but it is also quite different from the common RPG. After all, it's a shooter, not a turn-based combat, right?

"No! My beloved peasant village!"
The hero's home town, city, slum, or planet will usually be annihilated in a spectacular fashion before the end of the game, and often before the end of the opening scene.

Garrett's Principle
Let's not mince words: you're a thief. You can walk into just about anybody's house like the door wasn't even locked. You just barge right in and start looking for stuff. Anything you can find that's not nailed down is yours to keep. You will often walk into perfect strangers' houses, lift their precious artifacts, and then chat with them like you were old neighbors as you head back out with their family heirlooms under your arm. Unfortunately, this never works in stores.

Nostradamus Rule
All legends are 100% accurate. All rumors are entirely factual. All prophecies will come true, and not just someday but almost immediately.

¿Quien Es Mas Macho? (Eldest Rule)
Every powerful character you attempt to seek aid from will first insist upon "testing your strength" in a battle to the death.

Xenobiology Rule
The predatory species of the world will include representatives of all of the following: giant spiders, giant scorpions, giant snakes, giant beetles, wolves, squid, fish that float in midair, gargoyles, golems, carnivorous plants, chimeras, griffons, cockatrices, hydras, minotaurs, burrowing things with big claws, things that can paralyse you, things that can put you to sleep, things that can petrify you, at least twenty different creatures with poisonous tentacles, and dragons. Always dragons.

Dungeon Design 201 (or, The Interior Decorators Anticipated Your Out-Of-Body Experience)
Most dungeons will include "hidden" passages which are nearly impossible to see from a bird's-eye view, yet would be blaringly obvious from the party's perspective.

JB wrote:One of my personal favorites is the F.U. Factor
U have just finished battling a giant creature, boss or mini boss in the RPG of ur choice and it always ends up the same way.
EX: Ahh im glad thats over i just hauled around this giant node obelisk and faught all the creatures along the way, oh.. now im supposed to go into this room.. alright?
*the door locks behind you as you watch through breakable glass/bars as the person you have trusted all along has just come and taken the thing u risked neck and limb to bring to this precise spot for their own gain, and doing the same thing as u, that took u countless minutes-hours to get here they manage to bring it back to the escape Pod/ship/creature/vehicle, in a matter of seconds, of which how u are completely oblivious, OH WAIT THERES MORE. U get to fight them with all u have/ havent accumulated over the entire game, BUT WAIT.. THERES MORE! U have to use these items in a sequential order to defeat this person as the Item they have has granted them Enormous power, BUT WAIT THERES MORE!.. Now after spending a ridiculous ammount of time fighting the person u dont even get the satisfaction of putting their head on the Curb and pushing ur foot on their face till it pops like a balloon, no no they get eaten/killed/mauled by the Giant beast/person u were trying to stop all along, BUT WAIT THERES 1 MORE FU TWIST TO THIS!!. By killing this person all of their power is stacked upon theirs and now, Ur War torn/ Ammunition/mana deprived hollow of a corpse now has to fight them with all but a few rocks and sticks while its sitting there throwing various missles at you to finally have the thing beaten down by NONE OTHER THAN the person who was trying to stop you for some ungodly reason Via Giant Rock to the infamous giant gas tanker (which oddly enough has Colgate written on the side of it????) and wat do u get, A Cliffhanger storyline ending to the game u spent 60-80 bucks on at Gamestop (that of which the return date on ur new RPG has been void for about a week) and a long line of credits that u cannot stop, AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF the turn off button on ur xbox 360/PS3 is broken.

This is the FU Factor and be prepared for it whenever u play a RPG

Lord Pheonix wrote:and KOTOR

Kasrkin Seath wrote:I made this campaign for NWN a while back... the main plotline is: You get wasted and endup on some island in the middle of nowhere the next morning.

The plotline is basically: How do you get back to see who won that drinking contest?

Pie wrote:What's NWN?

ReconToaster wrote:It sounds less like you guys dislike the premise of the RPG genre, and really just hate the frequently used fantasy setting.

You guys ever played Mass Effect? Fallout?

Rasq wrote:But what really gets me going is steampunk.

ReconToaster wrote:

Pie wrote:What's NWN?

Nether Winter Nights.

You see, there's this thing called google.

Kasrkin Seath wrote:NWN?
If youre talking about that its like an 2001 game
NWN 2... now that is a different story...

ReconToaster wrote:

Rasq wrote:But what really gets me going is steampunk.

Really?

I find some of that stuff sorta interesting. It's always cool to see a space ship modeled in a 18th century art style.

But yeah, some of it goes way overboard... Like actual STEAM POWERED technology.