Warriors of Light

character list

Grand Army of the Republic

3rd System Army

212th Attack Battalion

Clone Marshal Commander CC-2224 “Cody”
Private CT-8912 “Twelve”
Sergeant CT-9309 “Niner”

501st Legion

Clone Commander CC-1119 “Appo”
Capitan CC-7567 “Rex”

Republic 7th Fleet

Capitan CT-8901 “Basilisk”
Lieutenant CT-0177 “Sev”
Lieutenant CT-4910 “Rogue”

Republic commandos

RC-1902 “Delta”
RC-1892 “Fi”
RC-2007 “Sev”
RC-0092 “Striker”

UNSC Personnel

SPARTAN Will-009 (Male Human)
Corporal Henry Anderson (Male Human)
UNSC AI 09234/1 “Hammer” (Female Ship AI)


Other personnel

Jason “Deadeye” Dawning’s, Pilot of YT-1300 Freighter “Remembrance of Dusk” (Male Human)
Sergeant Onyx Bar-Nok, Mandalorian Mercenary (Male Human)
General Ahsoka Tano, Jedi Knight (Female Togruta)

Well.....................good luck with that.

>.> hmm i hope it goes well ^.^

.... yea... i pray for you.....

i can tell this wount end well

Prologue

UNSC Frigate Hornet
13:56 Hours [Ship Time] //Location Unknown//

“Capitan’s getting jumpy from that ship. Look at the console, Mac.” Mac was confused but still looked at the console, Capitan Simons wanted the SPARTAN they picked up on there rescue run thawed and at the bridge fast. “I think we should double the wake up stim on him, I have the feeling that this won’t end well,” said Mac. The other crewman with him in the cryo tube was a UNSC marine named Anderson who was a corpsman and looked like he had an idea what he was doing. “Well,” said Anderson, “I have that feeling too, old friend.” It has been a long time since med school hasn’t it? thought Mac. A few moments of nothing but silence and the only thing that could be heard was the sound of computer keys until Anderson said “He’s hot. Blowing the pins in five, better get down there Mac I need to get to the bridge for my mission in this mess and good luck.” Luck, Mac thought, we will all need luck to get out of this.


RAS Hammer of Dawn
07:00 Hours [System Time] 365 Days After Clone Wars
Near Hoth Asteroid Field

“Unknown ship is now barring point two-zero and is holding steady,” said the voice of another clone soldier on the bridge of the Hammer of Dawn. “This may be why the general has been acting strange. Radio if you need back up, and only if you do; is that clear soldier?” said the disembodied voice of another clone that was on Hoth doing the main engagement. I hate picket duty, thought Sev, nothing ever happens. “Hay ner vod” said a new clone officer, Don.
“What you want, Don? I’m busy, we have a Unknown warship here.”
“Sorry Lieutenant, but some of us want to know what the ship is.”
“There’s a reason why they’re called Unknowns.”
Noobs. I really hate them. This guy has to have been sent from the meat cans to fill up our ranks on this tin can.
“Sorry, Sev im still new to this.”
“We all were once, Don’ika.”
“Too right mate.”
After a few moments Don walked away to talk with his weapon station. Really need to stop getting white jobs as officers in the navy, thought Sev, Even if Kamino isn’t making clones any more. “Wait,” said Sev “the unknown is changing position and I’m getting an increase with the same power signature of magnetic coils.”
“Fierfek, sound general quarters, man all guns, get damage control ready, bring deflector shields to maximum,” said Captain Cutter “We’re in for one hell of a ride this time.”

Verry good V! I suggest that, like the others, it's a little less straight forward and goes a bit more in dept with the characters. Add a bit more detail into their physical and psychological traits, possibly a little to their past as well. Overall, you've got me hooked. I give it a 6/10 (a good score from me).

its pretty good

Chapter 1: A Heroes Rise

UNSC Frigate Hornet
14:15 Hours [Ship Time] //Location Unknown//

“All hands to your action stations,” said the disembodied voice of the ships AI as Henry ran to the bridge. Looks like we are turning to engage that ship, thought Henry, better hurry, we don’t even know what were fighting. As Henry ran down the hall way he saw marines prepping machine guns in the hallways to stop whatever was coming.
“Corporal, Capitan’s waiting on the bridge; lets move. Anderson” said a marine sergeant. Never met him before but this ship is small as hell. I’m only a few meters from the bridge. Henry entered the elevator to the bridge but he knew one thing about this mission: he was going to be working with SPARTAN-009 and most likely trying to get off this ship. As he walked onto the bridge Captain Simons was telling the other two men, Vats and McKnight, what to do; from what Henry herd as he got on, it sounded like they were going to try something but not much. After a few moments the Spartan came up to the bridge to and the briefing began.
“Spartan and Corporal Anderson, you can guess why you’re here.” There was a moment of silence, and then the Spartan said what he thought.
“Captain, I’m guessing we are fallowing Cole Periodical, Sir.”
“That’s right Spartan, you have to get Hammer off this ship.”
“With all do respect,” Henry cut in, “there is no planet to land on. We will just be sitting ducks in a life pod.”
“You are wrong Corporal, there is a planet; we are firing the Shiva nuke at that ship fallowed by the last MAC round, there is a ice planet behind it. We scanned, there are ships near by but they’re on the far side so you will be fine.”
After that a woman’s voice said “I’m ready Capitan the nuke is loaded and the MAC is charge in your crew should be able to handle it from here”
“Thank you Hammer.”
“And I may say Capitan, you and your crew are some of the best men I have served with.”
“It’s been a pleasure, ma’am.”
With that, Captain Simons pulled a chip out of a panel and told Will, “Good luck… to both of you.”
Will put the chip into his head and Henry said, “And good luck to you too, Sir.”
“I’ll give the signal to launch you life pod after the nuke has been launched.” Henry nodded his head and he and Will when down to the life pod, they never saw the Capitan again.

Seems good, but why are they attacking the ship if they don't know what it is?

And before you go any further, please remember that Star Wars shields only protect against energy weapons.
So projectiles will pass right through them.

PiElord wrote:Seems good, but why are they attacking the ship if they don't know what it is?

And before you go any further, please remember that Star Wars shields only protect against energy weapons.
So projectiles will pass right through them.

fail pie SW shealds protect from metal slugs and rock and space junk but not big ones

Darman wrote:

PiElord wrote:Seems good, but why are they attacking the ship if they don't know what it is?

And before you go any further, please remember that Star Wars shields only protect against energy weapons.
So projectiles will pass right through them.

fail pie SW shields protect from metal slugs and rock and space junk but not big ones

No they don't.

In Episode V, the imperial ships were bombarded with asteroids, and had taken heavy damage to their hulls.

i said exept big ones pie

Chapter 2: Strike

RAS Hammer of Dawn
07:35 Hours [System Time] 365 Days ACW
Near Hoth Asteroid Field

“Sir, Unknown warship is preparing something but I can’t tell what, magnetic coil energy signature is still showing,” said Sev, looking at his control panel on the bridge of the Hammer of Dawn.
“Sir! The ship just launched a missile at us; time to impact: 23 seconds,” said another clone officer on the bridge. Everyone on the bridge looked surprised, only pirates engage a Republic war ship at that heading and range.
“Brace for impact,” said Captain Cutter and a few seconds later a big flash of light came from the starboard section of the ship, so bright that it had to have blinded most of the men without their helmets on.
“By the force, what was that!” said another clone after the light subsided.
“I need a damage assessment now,” said Captain Cutter. Sev ran to the bridge view port and looked out to see the hull was scorched where the weapon hit.
“Sir, look. What ever that was scorched the hull,” said Sev.
“Captain, all weapons systems, shields, and propulsion systems are down and we are drifting.”
“Fierfek it was some sort of new ion weapon.”
“I don’t think so, Sir.”
After a few moments there was a loud but fast screeching sound, like 2 ships smashing together and one officer near the forward view port said, “That ship just fired a giant metal slug that went clean through the ship, Sir.” Then the ship started to turn slightly and then a explosion, meaning the engine room was hit.
“Sir, I have made COM contact with Commander Cody.”
“Tell him we need back up.”
Another clone cut in, “Sir, I have an escape pod leaving their ship, but can’t get a heading.”
“Let it go, we can’t hit it.”
Over the COM Captain Cutter was talking with Commander Cody; other men were getting damage reports. We should be abandoning ship,thought Sev, scratching his black hair, but no one cares about us, we’re expendable. He walked up to the view port of the bridge and saw the big hole in the side that apparently gutted the ship center. Fierfek, thought Sev, they can do that with one shot. If there are more I don’t think we will make it. The question about what hit the ship bothered Sev and it takes a lot to do that from what he saw in the Clone Wars.

It's good.

I especially liked the different terminologly used by either side.
(i.e, Life Boat, and Escape Pod)

I think it's too direct and has a bad choice of words.... good plot though

i like it

Chapter 3: Hard Drop

UNSC Frigate Hornet
00:13 Hours [SPARTAN-009 Mission clock] //Location Unknown//

“EMP blast detected. Preparing for launch,” said Hammer as a bright white light came through the front window of the life pod. Seconds later, there was a loud boom and the life pod accelerated into space. Soon the life pod turned to a position so that they could see the unknown ship, seconds later, they saw the Hornet fire its last MAC shell at the Unknown, gutting it in the middle. “Well,” said Henry, “that was easy.” The ship was still atmosphere and debris. Moments later, another ship that was even bigger than the first started to approach the hornet. The ship was V-shaped but had a brake near what appeared to be the bridge and then went back to two smaller V-shaped wings and it had a red line down the center of them middle with red lines on both small V-shaped wings and on the bridge tower.
“That’s one big ship,” said Henry. “Hornet doesn’t stand a chance against a ship that size.”
“I have contacts coming from the ship,” said Hammer.
“How many, Hammer?”
“About twelve coming from the center of the ship,”
Will looked at the ship again and saw the red center line was opening and saw eight of the unknown contacts coming out of the ship. The hornet isn’t going to make it, thought Will, we need to get to that planet or WE’RE next. Seconds later, the life pod started to accelerate more and at that point Will knew they were in the planets atmosphere.

RAC Kantar
07:55 Hours [System Time] 365 Days ACW
Near Hoth asteroid field

The engines roared to life in Basilisks ARC-170 fighter as he and his squadron left the hanger bay of the Kantar. Soon after Basilisk left the deck his COM sprang to life. “Blue Leader, this is Blue Two, you read me? Over.”
“Blue Two, this is Blue Leader, I am receiving. Over.”
“Good Basilisk, I thought it was still out from the last battle.”
“Rogue, Basilisk, cut the chatter and go disable that ship, then we can save the men from the Hammer of Dawn.”
“Understood. Kantar Blue Leader out.”
As Basilisk accelerated his ARC-170 towered the unknown ship he saw yellow flashes coming from eight points on the ship. Basilisks COM came back to life again “I’m hit! I’m hit!” said a frantic voice then there was an explosion. “Fierfek, deflector shields up now.”
After a few seconds the next fighter being targeted started having blue echoes on its fuselage; that meant the squadron had its shields. “Ok Blue Two and Three, follow me in. Blues four through twelve, set up your attack run.” Basilisk, Rogue, and the rest of Blue squadron only had one shot to disable the unknown ship before they would have to return to Kantar.
“Ah, Boss, what if we miss?” said Rogue.
Basilisk replied, “WE won’t miss those Chakaars.” About a minute later Basilisk and his wingmen fired the proton torpedoes and in about ten seconds they scored a hit on the unknown and it started to list to port, it was disabled.
“Oh-yea new proton torpedoes worked like a charm,” said a voice over the radio .
“Kantar, this is Blue Leader, you are clear to bored the unknown ship. Over.”
“Roger that Blue Leader, we are moving into position now. Good job.”
Soon another voice come over his COM, this time it was Rogue. “Boss, we lost Blue 7… it was Fi.” FIERFEK, thought Basilisk, I lost too many good people over the last four years, but I thought Fi would be one of the last I’d lose. Basilisk and Blue Squadron returned to the Kantar for re-arming in case there were more out there.

Far too strait forward. Very few discriptions. Make sure when you have something like a battle, you don't just list events. Don't just say: "this is when they fired, and 5 seconds later this happened, then this happened." It doesn't make fore a very entertaining story. I give this chapter a 2/10.

yeah....i got lost on the first sentence.

Chapter 4: Attack of the Clones

LAAT/i Gunship Theta-26
08:07 Hours [System Time]
Hoth Surface, 2 Kilometers From Target

“Two-Six move to left flank and close up formation. Over,” said the familiar voice of a clone pilot in their attack group.
“Twelve, Twelve your COM’s gone static,” said Niner, his squad leader.
“On it,” said Twelve slamming his hand agents his helmet.
“Better now, Twelve,” said Niner. “Okay, listen up squad. We are to secure the main bridge in the settlement wile Rex and Torrent Company attack the artillery base. After that, the combined 501st and 212th Battalions move in-” He was cut off by an explosion out side the larty.
“Close the blast shield” said Niner over the COM to the pilot and the blast shielding quickly closed on the gunship’s side.
“Thirty seconds,” said another voice over the COM as an explosion rocked the larty then a bigger explosion come from out side. Suddenly another voice came over the COM.
“Theta-17 is going down. Repeat, Theta-17 is going down.” Twelve looked around the troop bay and looked at all the men - his vode - in their Phase II armor and orange stripes on there armor - the colors of the 212th - in the last final seconds before the bay opened. Then the doors opened, letting in light, and all the men in the gunship ran out, but a few seconds later there was a whistling sound and one clone yelled.
“IN COMING!” A load blasted the ground nearly ten meters away from him. Where’d that come from? thought Twelve, and am I dead? Then he felt he was being dragged on the ground and he opened his eyes wearily and saw the familiar helmet of Niner.
“What… what was that Sarge?” said Twelve, just starting to come to.
“Mortar round hit the larty,” said Niner, nodding his head in the direction that the larty - now a smoldering wreck - was and about six bodies on their side were strewn along it.
“You’re lucky,” continued Niner, “more then half the squad is dead.” Twelve looked to his left to see three other men behind the same peace of rubble.
“We’re not leaving ‘till we take this bridge. Able, squad charge,” said one of the other clone sergeants and nine clones ran forward being quickly cut down. We need more men for this, thought Twelve. The Chakaare knew we were coming.

So, are you done with this?

You've got a great premise and story, but your writing needs some polishing up.

im trying to get ideas together i know WHO Tweleve and Niner are fighting thow need a little bit more to go off of first

Chapter 5: Into the Abyss

Hoth Surface Outskirts of Unknown Settlement
08:29 Hours [System Time]
Outskirts of Unknown Settlement

“This is what happens when we go head first full speed like Di’kuts into an enemy that knows the terrain better then we do,” said Niner looking over to the bridge as another mortar blew up in front of them. Need to find a rifle fast, thought Twelve searching for a weapon and finding one next to a wounded soldier.
“Watch it,” said Niner, “destroyer droids coming in.” Twelve looked up and saw the ball form of the Mark I Droideka brown but, unlike the CIS holdouts one, has yellow on what would be the top of its head.
“Well,” said one of the clones, “looks like we got Zann Consortium here watch out for the-” A purple flair like object hit the clone, disengaging him.
“Watch it! Merc squad coming in as well; it looks like they have disruptors.” Twelve looked at the charred skeletal remains then ducked behind the rubble as five more went by. One hit a piece and it blew up, knocking Twelve over. Static came over his COM as clear as day.
“This is B-Company. We are in rout to your position, ETA sixteen minutes sit rep. Over.”
Niner spoke, “negative, Captain, we’ll be dead in five. Please advise.”
“Hold on… we got a squadron of ARC-170’s, they’ll be there in three.”
“Thank you CT-Nine-Three-Oh-Nine. Out.”
Niner looked over the rubble and fired a spray of blaster fire at the mercs then threw a grenade, sending droid parts in the air. Twelve stood up and fired into the squad, killing two of the mercs. “Take that you Chakaare,” yelled Twelve. Twelve’s COM started to coracle with static and a pilots voice came interrupted.
“This is Green Leader to Niner. Do you read? Over.”
“This is Niner to Red Three. Fire mission Seven-Zero-Five.”
“Roger that. Keep your buckets on. Over.”
A huge explosion rocked their position. Twelve looked up and saw that they hit a camouflaged power generator. “Well, well,” said Niner, “looks like Tyber wasn’t to smart, putting such a vital equipment in such an easy area to hit.”
The COM buzzed again along with the faint sound of a LAAT/I gunship, getting louder by the second.
“B-Company to Niner; we will be there in lest than a minute. Hold your position. Over.”
“Niner to B-Company; we are holding. Niner out.”
Niner then sat down, took off his helmet, and wiped his forehead with his wrist. He then put it safely back on his head.
“Well, this won’t end well, Sarge,” said Twelve.
“Twelve, this is only the beginning of this battle,” said Niner, “and don’t expect it to get better.”
Eight lartys landed and troops rushed out. Two AT-TE’s and one of the soldiers made their ways over to Niner. “Sorry about that, soldiers. The intel for this part was sketchy. The larty will re-deploy in one hour.”
“Yes sir!” said Niner and Twelve in unison
They quickly scrambled onto the gunship. Niner mumbled, “or we we’re the bait.” The gunship smoothly lifted off.

Chapter 6: Among the Snow and Ice

Unknown Planet, In a Crashed Bumble Bee Life Pod
02:39 Hours [SPARTAN-009 Mission Clock]

“Get up,” said the female voice of Hammer as Will woke up. “Get up. Anderson is hurt bad. We need to get going right now. I’ve had two contacts all ready.” Getting up, Will looked for Anderson so he could try and get him to shelter, then Will looked out the back end of the pod and saw that the ground out side was covered in snow.
“Hammer,” said Will with confusion, “did we land in a mountain area or the polar region?”
“Analyzing,” said Hammer. “The planet is covered in snow but I would be more worried about what’s on this planet than the climate.”
A groan game from where Anderson was. Will walked over to see that Anderson was waking up. “Are you all right? Can you move?” asked Will, standing next to Anderson as he woke up in the life pod seat.
“I have…” said Anderson as he grabbed his lag in pain, “a broken leg, but I don’t know if its shattered.”
“Okay,” said Will, “but we need to get out of here before…” A sound came from out side the ship that sounded like a bear or lion.
“What was that?” asked Hammer with worry in her voice.
“I’ll go and see what it is,” said Will picking up an MA5B Assault Rifle.
“Watch your self, Spartan. We can’t afford to lose you,” said Anderson.
Will walked out of the crashed life pod and walked on to a small dune of snow and looked around and saw what looked like a steel-colored door with what appeared to be green, running lights. A loud “roar” came from his side and knocked him down while sending his rifle several feet into the air. Will quickly got up and saw a white creature with Razor sharp claws on his hands and teeth and two curved horns on its head. The creature roared and charged again. Just before it rammed Will, he jumped out of the way and was thrown several feet, landing a yard away from his rifle.
Will quickly ran to his rifle and as the beast charged again he fired six shots into the beast’s torso dropping it to the ground. Will walked up to it and asked it as it died, “what are you?” Will fired three more bullets into it to make sure it was dead.
Checking his armor, Will noticed that there were crimson splotches of the beast’s blood at his chest and the armor where he was hit was dented - one on the left shoulder plate and one on the right torso. Will ran back to the life pod in case there were more around.
As he entered Anderson stared in shock. “What happened to you? Looks like you got hit by a Warthog! And it seems to have won.”
“Well, Corporal” said Will as he picked up the rest of there gear and pulled Hammer out of the life pods control panel, “this planet has deadly beasts on it, but I found us shelter.”
“Okay Spartan, I think I can walk there but I’ll need help.”
“Got it, but get what you can. We need to go now.”
Anderson picked up a backpack and an M7S Sub Machine Gun and limped out of the pod before Will.
“Which way to the shelter, Spartan?” asked Anderson.
“Three degrees to the left; it has green lights” said Will while walking out of the pod.
They walked past the dead beast that now had blood covered snow around its body, and walked up to the giant door that Will sighted earlier. Will noticed a blue holographic panel and pressed it and the door opened. “That was anti-climatic” said Anderson with hysteria.
“Anderson, don’t do jokes until we know what planet were on,” said Hammer as they walked into the confines of the structure.