My plan to get Reach Early

Supplies
* Four miles of industrial strength silly string.
* One halo 2 gamedisk
* A spartan robot controlled by an xbox 360 controller.
* Stosh's mom's cell phone number
* Foman's anti achronos ray
* the guy from porch day
* surprise butsecks launcher.
* portal gun
* 2x dog bones
* tire thumper
* Bacon(deep fried)


The first part of my plan is getting inside the bungie building. Using the industrial strength silly string I will drop a path through the flood infested outer region of the bungie building, the path being used so as i don't lose my way.

At this point I should have a good view of bungie towers.

Once I get to the door the hammer guard will most likely be guarding it with rather vigorous zeal.(as do most of bungie's lower echelons). I would use my spartan to dispatch him, but it will become useless by the end of the fight.

Once past the doors I will have to get past bungie's auto-turret defenses.

At this time I call upon the porch day guy.(as the turrets are designed to go after this guy on sight)

Once I slip past the auto turrets I will have to deal with bungie's mob of forum ninjas. With quick enough speed I may be able to play my next item before they have time to react. I throw the piece of paper that contains stosh's mom's cell phone number into the air.

In the ensuing chaos of grabbing and yelling I will slip past and continue onward.

Foman will probably be blocking my way.

Before he can explain all of the rules I have broken I will shoot him with the surprise butsecks launcher, and he will go down.(for aprox 3.5 hours)

The next room will contain bungie's last remaining line of defense. Three guardian creatures.

the first: ling ling's head which will be snarling and drooling whilst floating.

The second: the minotaur

The third: D.O.G(on loan from valve)


As quickly as I can I will throw the bacon and dog bones at the three guardians. And run away as they chow down.

now I will be in the final room before my prize.

Suddenly achronos will appear blocking my way. With the rest of the bungie staff behind him.

Achronos will probably try to insult me(as is his ilk)and then "remove" me. To which this will be responded to by shiska with a snicker. Quickly I will throw the tire thumper to shiska and yell "you know what to do".

To which he will sodomize everyone in the room.

While Everyone is being sodomized I will break for the door but achronos will be in my way again.

I fire my anti-achronos ray gun at him and he is put on the ground unconcious.(and covered with paint saying foman was here)

I will check the door and find that it is accidentaly left unlocked. Stosh sitting next to it His butt covered in blood.

Into the room containing the reach disc(which is also the game Pathways into darkness) I will make my way through every level of this game and get to the final room. But there will only be an oppening at the top of the wall.

Using my portal gun I will launch myself Through the whole and into the last room on my journey.

In the center the game disc will be suspended in rapturous light, but a sign below will state.

-Notice Must be replaced by something with equal awesomeness or lazers will activate-

I will place halo 2 on the pedestal and escape through my exit portal made by my portal gun.


Someone wrote this as a ending

On your way to the exit, Marty O'Donnell assaults your eardrums with pure awesome, causing the earplugs to pop out of your ears and bounce around the room like Flubber. They smash through the bullet proof glass, while Marty curses the fact that they were not sponge proof.

You shoot an orange portal at the wall behind you, and jump out the window. You then fire a blue portal at the floor beneath you, but realise that there is no floor!

While falling through the air, the Webmaster flies towards you on his Jetpack and fires upon you with magic bullets, the like of which you've never seen. You deflect them with the Halo Reach disc. Not even a scratch upon your shield of gaming goodness.

You throw the disc like a boomerang. The Webmaster dodges at first, but it comes back and slices clean through the right side of his jetpack, shaving off some of his ape-like fur. The Jetpack explodes, sending the webmaster flying towards the sky, yelling something about "I'll be back!"

You notice the floor approaching, and fire a blue portal at blood stained turf. You see Marty, looking out the window and fly out the orange portal at frightening speed, ninja kicking Marty on your way. You see him falling, while you speed away from Bungie Towers.

You grow closer to the ground every second, and notice a Bungie Recovery Team Van, most likely retrieving the Webmaster. You land on the roof with such power that you go right through it. The Recovery Team is staring at you, some reaching for their Katanas. You deliver a kick of unrelenting fury to the stomach of the man closest to you.

The rest of the team unsheathe their Katanas, and attempt to cut you in two. However, a Katana is no match for an AK 47 clip. You knock out the entire recovery team with such awesomeness that it cannot be described. You then punch a hole through one of the thin metal doors separating you from the driver.

You yell in pain as he pushes a pen through your hand, and attempt to bring your hand back from him, but the pen inside your hand stops you. You quickly open the door, your hand still stuck inside. The driver attempts a series of shattering blows. You deflect some by kicking back at his fists, but he is too fast.

You get a good look at his face, and see that your adversary is Chuck Norris. Convinced you cannot kill this demigod, you pull the pen from your hand, and throw it at Chuck Norris like a knife. He deflects it, sending it through the windscreen, but while he is distracted you drop kick him, sending him flying out the van.

You take control of the van, only for it too be sent flying through the van as Chuck uses the force on it. The van falls on it's side, sending you out the windscreen (buckle up, kiddies). Chuck sends the van flying into the air with the force, but when he looks to you, he sees a man, covered in blood wielding a weapon so violent, so explosive, so dangerous..... and yet so quiet.

You fire at him with your Silenced Bazooka, but before you hit your mark, Chuck equips himself with a lightsaber at a speed no other man could even attempt. He deflects the rocket which hits the ground with a gigantic, silent explosion. Before you can load your Bazooka with another round, Chuck throws his lightsaber towards you.

You duck and quickly grab the lightsaber, but Chuck kicks you into the air. You hit the ground with a bone-shattering thud, but before Chuck finishes you off, his contract with Bungie expires and he disappears in a puff of smoke. Suddenly, you hear an engine roaring.

You look towards the noise and see the Webmaster, who swings at you with the ban hammer. You hit back with the lightsaber, and a crack of lightning singes the floor beneath you. The hammer is too strong, and the lightsaber spins away from your grasp, and hits the floor.

You then simply punch the Webmaster in the face and steal his Jetpack, when Marty and Urk arrive in a Warthog. You fly away, while Marty drives after you and Urk shoots at you. Realising that you are going to get away, Urk and Marty activate their flaming heads. The flaming heads, however, do nothing but look cool.

As you continue to avoid the hail of bullets Urk sends at you, Marty starts playing his Air Violin, giving his Warthog the power to fly. The Warthog then smashes into you, but a look of fear is painted on Marty and Urk's faces. They realise that you still wield the ban hammer.

You set the hammer to "grounded" and swing it at them, striking the 'hog, sapping it of it's ability to fly and sending it plummeting. You continue on, towards your home, with the Halo Reach disk secured safely.

You arrive home, immediately rushing to your Xbox 360. Your turn it on, grab your controller, and plug in your headset so you can brag to all your friends. However, as your disk enters your tray, and your tray closes, Bungie track your IP. Flaming headed ninjas immediately ambush you, smashing through your windows and swarming your house. They think they have the advantage, however, YOU still have the ban hammer.

or, just preorder the game like everyone else...

tl;dr

Divine Virus wrote:tl;dr

REALLY ROCK! ASSHOLE BUTSEXBITCH!

I found this hilarious.

wouldn't it be easier to just steal the disk at the nearest bestbuy when the stock comes in?

Security Camera+tripod+patience+Ak-47=free halo reach.

There's no way in hell you wrote this...

PiEdude wrote:There's no way in hell you wrote this...

of course he didn't, but it's still okay.

When you finally finish off the ninjas, your 360 RROD's.

PiEdude wrote:There's no way in hell you wrote this...

and what do you have to support this?

Mij Gilamar wrote:

PiEdude wrote:There's no way in hell you wrote this...

and what do you have to support this?

This is way too complicated, and grammatically, correct.

Felix wrote:

Mij Gilamar wrote:

PiEdude wrote:There's no way in hell you wrote this...

and what do you have to support this?

This is way too complicated, and grammatically, correct.

^^^^^^^^
That.

PiEdude wrote:

Felix wrote:

Mij Gilamar wrote:

PiEdude wrote:There's no way in hell you wrote this...

and what do you have to support this?

This is way too complicated, and grammatically, correct.

^^^^^^^^
That.

What I said.

Read half of it. Stopped reading it.
Not funny, not interesting, not even imaginative.

i got bored and fell asleep.. what happened at the end??

YouCurse wrote:Read half of it. Stopped reading it.
Not funny, not interesting, not even imaginative.

Here's what I want you to do:

1. Reach down to where your chair is.
2. Very carefully, try to remove the ten foot rod that is currently implanted into your ass.
3. ?????????????
4. Profit

Felix wrote:

Mij Gilamar wrote:

PiEdude wrote:There's no way in hell you wrote this...

and what do you have to support this?

This is way too complicated, and grammatically, correct.

thats not proof, thats spell check

rzgrz wrote:i got bored and fell asleep.. what happened at the end??

HOLY SHIT ITS RZGRZ!!!! how has no one else seen this!!!

*shrugs* Cuz it's rzgrz?

Mij Gilamar wrote:

Felix wrote:

Mij Gilamar wrote:

PiEdude wrote:There's no way in hell you wrote this...

and what do you have to support this?

This is way too complicated, and grammatically, correct.

thats not proof, thats spell check

Which you did not use in that sentence, as it should be "That's"

myth... BUSTED

thats doesn't show up wrong in spell check

BBJynne wrote:thats doesn't show up wrong in spell check

It does on mine.

haha feeling the love there Civ

I do my best.

Felix wrote:

Mij Gilamar wrote:

Felix wrote:

Mij Gilamar wrote:

PiEdude wrote:There's no way in hell you wrote this...

and what do you have to support this?

This is way too complicated, and grammatically, correct.

thats not proof, thats spell check

Which you did not use in that sentence, as it should be "That's"

myth... BUSTED

also, i only spell check long statments