ITT: Anti-Jokes
+11
KristallNacht
Ringleader
Angatar
czar
KrAzY
Cheese
tiny tim
Death no More
thane321
Divine Virus
Gauz
15 posters
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ITT: Anti-Jokes
How many black men can you fit in a volkswagon? Five, two in the front and three in the back.
Gauz- Crimson Medic
- Number of posts : 7687
Registration date : 2009-02-11
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. THe employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.
Divine Virus- Crimson Epidemic
- Number of posts : 3125
Age : 33
Location : Seattle, WA
Registration date : 2008-08-23
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The horse replies "My son just died of terminal cancer."
or
A horse walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out because horses don't belong in a bar.
The horse replies "My son just died of terminal cancer."
or
A horse walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out because horses don't belong in a bar.
Gauz- Crimson Medic
- Number of posts : 7687
Registration date : 2009-02-11
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
what's green and invisible?
this lettuce.
what did batman say to robin before they gon in the batmoblie?
get in the batmobile robin!
i haveone three massively long, and yet stupidly pointless jokes... i'll see if i can find them
this lettuce.
what did batman say to robin before they gon in the batmoblie?
get in the batmobile robin!
i have
thane321- Minion
- Number of posts : 1142
Location : in ur mugz absorbin ur drinkz
Registration date : 2008-03-25
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
A blonde and a red haired girl are sitting in court. The red haired girl whispers over to her partner in crime "We're stupid, why did we kill him?"
The blonde replies "I know, not a smart idea."
The blonde replies "I know, not a smart idea."
Gauz- Crimson Medic
- Number of posts : 7687
Registration date : 2009-02-11
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
lol that was actually funnier than the original form of the joke.Gauz wrote:A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face?"
The horse replies "My son just died of terminal cancer."
Why do trees grow branches? because the ice cream is on fire.
Death no More- Lord's Personal Minion
- Number of posts : 2178
Age : 29
Location : Spreading Holy convergence in the sprawl.
Registration date : 2009-03-29
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
what?
tiny tim- Crimson Cripple
- Number of posts : 1762
Registration date : 2009-03-01
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
No no no
That was a lame jokie
Anti-joke version of that is:
Why do trees grow branches? Simple, so that it can then extend the area of which its leaves are, thusly allowing the tree to feed itself.
That was a lame jokie
Anti-joke version of that is:
Why do trees grow branches? Simple, so that it can then extend the area of which its leaves are, thusly allowing the tree to feed itself.
Gauz- Crimson Medic
- Number of posts : 7687
Registration date : 2009-02-11
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
What did Mr Tumnus say to Peter when he came out of the closet?
Welcome to Narnia.
Welcome to Narnia.
Cheese- Lord's Personal Minion
- Number of posts : 2259
Age : 33
Location : Wales
Registration date : 2009-02-15
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
A man walks into a bar, an observer sees the unconscious man and calls 911 in time to save his life.
KrAzY- Painter of the Flames
- Number of posts : 3965
Age : 34
Registration date : 2008-06-29
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road. He doesn't need a reason, HES A MOTHER FUCKING CHICKEN
czar- Minion
- Number of posts : 570
Age : 30
Location : ohio
Registration date : 2009-04-21
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
Your mom must be desperate then...czar wrote:A MOTHER FUCKING CHICKEN
Angatar- Lord's Personal Minion
- Number of posts : 3862
Age : 28
Location : Long Island
Registration date : 2008-07-18
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
no, no.Angatar wrote:Your mom must be desperate then...czar wrote:A MOTHER FUCKING CHICKEN
you should have said:
"in all normality chickens don't have sexual intercourse with humans, there fore it is just a normal chicken.
thane321- Minion
- Number of posts : 1142
Location : in ur mugz absorbin ur drinkz
Registration date : 2008-03-25
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
how many Amish does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one, although usually Amish don't use lightbulbs.
KrAzY- Painter of the Flames
- Number of posts : 3965
Age : 34
Registration date : 2008-06-29
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
A priest, a rabbi, and a scientist walk into a bar, converse over some light drinks, then leave thoroughly content with the evening.
Ringleader- Crimson Muse
- Number of posts : 1993
Age : 32
Registration date : 2009-06-12
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
I wasn't trying to make a joke, I was pointing out how your mom is desperate.thane321 wrote:no, no.Angatar wrote:Your mom must be desperate then...czar wrote:A MOTHER FUCKING CHICKEN
you should have said:
"in all normality chickens don't have sexual intercourse with humans, there fore it is just a normal chicken.
Angatar- Lord's Personal Minion
- Number of posts : 3862
Age : 28
Location : Long Island
Registration date : 2008-07-18
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
Wow
Some of you don't even know what anti jokes are
Basically you take the beginning of a real joke and remove all the punchlines and provide a realistic ending.
Why are niggers dicks so long?
Well, good sir, during the American slave trade, slave owners would breed their slaves for the most profitable offspring. The stronger male slaves also happened to have larger sexual organs and this trait expanded in its appearance in the African population.
Some of you don't even know what anti jokes are
Basically you take the beginning of a real joke and remove all the punchlines and provide a realistic ending.
Why are niggers dicks so long?
Well, good sir, during the American slave trade, slave owners would breed their slaves for the most profitable offspring. The stronger male slaves also happened to have larger sexual organs and this trait expanded in its appearance in the African population.
KristallNacht- Unholy Demon Of The Flame
- Number of posts : 5087
Location : San Diego, California
Registration date : 2008-06-24
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
Let me tell you a story.
Once, there was a lady, who loved the colour pink, i mean, really was in love with it. Her house was pink, her ceilings were pink, her cupboards were pink, her clothes were pink, she had pink tatoos, her fence was pink, her driveway was pink, even her front yard was filled with pink grass, since she had received her Aunt's vast fortune. One day, she returned, exhausted, from her day at the pink marker making factory, and all she wanted to do was go down her pink corridor, take the second pink door on the left, go down another pink corridor, up her pink staircase, down the a third pink corridor to the third pink door on the right. However, when she got into her pink bed in her pink nightgown and pulled up the pink covers onto her pink pillow, the doorbell rang. With an exhausted sigh, she got up out of her pink bed, went out the pink door, took a pink right, when down the pink corridor to the pink staircase, took the pink door at the end of another pink corridor, and went down a last pink corridor to her pink front door. When she opened, there was a man there.
He said that he had been wandering the streets for three days, lost and confused, with no shelter, food or water. He asked if he could stay in her house for a night, and, her being a nice person, happily complied, telling him to go down a pink corridor, take the third pink door on the right, down a pink corridor, down a pink staircase, into the four pink room on the left where there was a fouton (sp?). He happily thanked her and went off on his way.
She then proceded to go down her pink corridor, take the second pink door on the left, go down another pink corridor, up her pink staircase, down the a third pink corridor to the third pink door on the right. SHe went once again into her pink nightgown, only to have the doorbell ring once again. With a sigh, she went out the pink door, took a pink right, when down the pink corridor to the pink staircase, took the pink door at the end of another pink corridor, and went down a last pink corridor to her pink front door. When she opened, there was a man there.
He said that he had been wandering the streets for nearly four days, lost and confused, and he just wanted shelter for one night. As she did for the first man, she complied. She told him to go down a pink corridor, take the third pink door on the right, down a pink corridor, down a pink staircase, into the third pink room on the left where there was a fouton (sp?). He thanked her graciously, and left.
Still tired, she went back down her pink corridor, take the second pink door on the left, go down another pink corridor, up her pink staircase, down the a third pink corridor to the third pink door on the right, where she prepared to go to bed but was once again interrupted by the doorbell ringing. She moaned, and went out the pink door, took a pink right, when down the pink corridor to the pink staircase, took the pink door at the end of another pink corridor, and went down a last pink corridor to her pink front door. When she opened, there was a man there.
She said, "Let me guess, you've been stranded on the streets for five days, lost and alone, and you just want shelter for once night?"
He said, "Yes, however did you know?"
SHe told him to go down a pink corridor, take the third pink door on the right, down a pink corridor, down a pink staircase, into the fifth pink room on the right where there was a pink fouton (sp?). He thanked her, and left.
She then proceded to go once again down her pink corridor, take the second pink door on the left, go down another pink corridor, up her pink staircase, down the a third pink corridor to the third pink door on the right, wherd she found her pink bed, went under the pink cover, and, praying the doorbell wouldn't ring again, she closed her pink eyes, and went into a deep sleep.
In the morning, she woke up, contented, and went out her pink door, took a pink left, went to the end of the pink corridor, up a pink staircase, took the third pink door on the right, went down a pink corridor, down a pink staircase, down another pink corridor, took a pink spiral staircase down, went down another pink corridor, took the third pink door on the left, down another pink stairwell, took the third pink door on the left which led her to the pink corridor in which her guests were staying. She woke them up, and led them down the pink corridor, up the pink staircase, down another pink corridor, took the third pink door on the right, down another pink corridor, took the second pink door on the left, down another pink corridor, up a pink staircase into her pink kitchen. They settled down at the pink table atop pink chairs, while the pink lady found pink spoons, pink bowls, and some pink milk from her pink fridge, along with Cheerios and Fruit Loops. Two of the men had Cheerios, the other had Fruit Loops.
Once, there was a lady, who loved the colour pink, i mean, really was in love with it. Her house was pink, her ceilings were pink, her cupboards were pink, her clothes were pink, she had pink tatoos, her fence was pink, her driveway was pink, even her front yard was filled with pink grass, since she had received her Aunt's vast fortune. One day, she returned, exhausted, from her day at the pink marker making factory, and all she wanted to do was go down her pink corridor, take the second pink door on the left, go down another pink corridor, up her pink staircase, down the a third pink corridor to the third pink door on the right. However, when she got into her pink bed in her pink nightgown and pulled up the pink covers onto her pink pillow, the doorbell rang. With an exhausted sigh, she got up out of her pink bed, went out the pink door, took a pink right, when down the pink corridor to the pink staircase, took the pink door at the end of another pink corridor, and went down a last pink corridor to her pink front door. When she opened, there was a man there.
He said that he had been wandering the streets for three days, lost and confused, with no shelter, food or water. He asked if he could stay in her house for a night, and, her being a nice person, happily complied, telling him to go down a pink corridor, take the third pink door on the right, down a pink corridor, down a pink staircase, into the four pink room on the left where there was a fouton (sp?). He happily thanked her and went off on his way.
She then proceded to go down her pink corridor, take the second pink door on the left, go down another pink corridor, up her pink staircase, down the a third pink corridor to the third pink door on the right. SHe went once again into her pink nightgown, only to have the doorbell ring once again. With a sigh, she went out the pink door, took a pink right, when down the pink corridor to the pink staircase, took the pink door at the end of another pink corridor, and went down a last pink corridor to her pink front door. When she opened, there was a man there.
He said that he had been wandering the streets for nearly four days, lost and confused, and he just wanted shelter for one night. As she did for the first man, she complied. She told him to go down a pink corridor, take the third pink door on the right, down a pink corridor, down a pink staircase, into the third pink room on the left where there was a fouton (sp?). He thanked her graciously, and left.
Still tired, she went back down her pink corridor, take the second pink door on the left, go down another pink corridor, up her pink staircase, down the a third pink corridor to the third pink door on the right, where she prepared to go to bed but was once again interrupted by the doorbell ringing. She moaned, and went out the pink door, took a pink right, when down the pink corridor to the pink staircase, took the pink door at the end of another pink corridor, and went down a last pink corridor to her pink front door. When she opened, there was a man there.
She said, "Let me guess, you've been stranded on the streets for five days, lost and alone, and you just want shelter for once night?"
He said, "Yes, however did you know?"
SHe told him to go down a pink corridor, take the third pink door on the right, down a pink corridor, down a pink staircase, into the fifth pink room on the right where there was a pink fouton (sp?). He thanked her, and left.
She then proceded to go once again down her pink corridor, take the second pink door on the left, go down another pink corridor, up her pink staircase, down the a third pink corridor to the third pink door on the right, wherd she found her pink bed, went under the pink cover, and, praying the doorbell wouldn't ring again, she closed her pink eyes, and went into a deep sleep.
In the morning, she woke up, contented, and went out her pink door, took a pink left, went to the end of the pink corridor, up a pink staircase, took the third pink door on the right, went down a pink corridor, down a pink staircase, down another pink corridor, took a pink spiral staircase down, went down another pink corridor, took the third pink door on the left, down another pink stairwell, took the third pink door on the left which led her to the pink corridor in which her guests were staying. She woke them up, and led them down the pink corridor, up the pink staircase, down another pink corridor, took the third pink door on the right, down another pink corridor, took the second pink door on the left, down another pink corridor, up a pink staircase into her pink kitchen. They settled down at the pink table atop pink chairs, while the pink lady found pink spoons, pink bowls, and some pink milk from her pink fridge, along with Cheerios and Fruit Loops. Two of the men had Cheerios, the other had Fruit Loops.
- Spoiler:
- The morale of the story is that Two out of three men prefer Cheerios over Fruit Loops.
Not exactly an anti-joke, but shit if it ain't funny to tell in a big group of people.
TNine- Minion
- Number of posts : 1200
Age : 28
Registration date : 2009-02-09
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
I want that three minutes of my life back.
tiny tim- Crimson Cripple
- Number of posts : 1762
Registration date : 2009-03-01
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
@ TNine: There's is a much better way of saying it.
Angatar- Lord's Personal Minion
- Number of posts : 3862
Age : 28
Location : Long Island
Registration date : 2008-07-18
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
Martin Luther Chicken Jr steps up to the plate...
I have a dream. I have a dream of a world. I have a dream of a world where all chickens, everywhere, will freely cross roads, without living in fear of their actions being judged.
I have a dream. I have a dream of a world. I have a dream of a world where all chickens, everywhere, will freely cross roads, without living in fear of their actions being judged.
JumpingJet- Minion
- Number of posts : 1269
Age : 29
Location : Leeds, UK
Registration date : 2009-03-22
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
tiny tim wrote:I want that three minutes of my life back.
Death no More- Lord's Personal Minion
- Number of posts : 2178
Age : 29
Location : Spreading Holy convergence in the sprawl.
Registration date : 2009-03-29
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
FiveDeath no more wrote:tiny tim wrote:I want thatthreeminutes of my life back.
JumpingJet- Minion
- Number of posts : 1269
Age : 29
Location : Leeds, UK
Registration date : 2009-03-22
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
three slow reader much?JumpingJet wrote:Death no more wrote:tiny tim wrote:I want thatthreeminutes of my life back.Five
Death no More- Lord's Personal Minion
- Number of posts : 2178
Age : 29
Location : Spreading Holy convergence in the sprawl.
Registration date : 2009-03-29
Re: ITT: Anti-Jokes
JumpingJet wrote:FiveDeath no more wrote:tiny tim wrote:I want thatthreeminutes of my life back.
i want my joke back.
although i learnt it as a gold house
thane321- Minion
- Number of posts : 1142
Location : in ur mugz absorbin ur drinkz
Registration date : 2008-03-25
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