Death is near

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Death is near Empty Death is near

Post by Death no More on Mon Dec 14, 2009 8:37 pm

Chapter 1.



Silence, silence was all that filled the dark corridors of the sprawl, a mega city in space, at its center a colossal centrifuge gave it artificial gravity. Now only the rush of air from the centrifuge's constant spinning made a sound. But all was not as it seemed, below in the catacombs of the sprawl a group of survivors fought their way through countless horrors, they were at their breaking point, with little ammo, and endurance left in them. This was not what it started out to be though....

Isaac opened his eyes as he woke up, he was still laying on the floor of the shuttle he used in his escape. Remembering his last moments awake he hastily looked around the room while backing into a corner. Nothing, the ship was devoid of all signs of life, besides his of course, the survivor of the Ishimura regained his composure and looked out the cock pit's window, he could see the figure of a impossibly large space station. A red light began to blink on the holographic control panel, Isaac reached over and taped it, information began to scroll on the panel. He recognized it, the ships engines were about to burn out, calmly he reached over and taped a few buttons, the shuttle stopped in her tacks, and the engines began to cool down. He let his arms drape down and he fell into the pilot's chair, he was exhausted, even with his little nap on the floor, he was still so tired.

Her eyes began to slowly open, Lexine threw her covers off. She ran her hand down her face and wiped off the majority of the sweat on her face.

"What's wrong Lexine?" She turned her head and saw Weller watching her with a bit of anxiety noticeable in his features, he was worried about her.

"Well?" Nathan McNeill said, he was also wondering about Lexine's condition.

"I'm fine..... I just had a bad dream." She said staring at the main window of the ship and the space it held behind it. Nathan and Gabriel satisfied with the answer returned to their duties. Lexine got up and searched the cabinet's of the shuttle for a bottle of water. Finally finding one, she twisted the cap and threw it off, she gulped down the contents of the bottle, and set it down when she was finished with it. "Nathan... do you think the Kellion's crew made it out alive?" Lexine sat down on the co-pilot's chair waiting for a answer.

"I don't know Lexine, they didn't hear our message, for all we know they are on the Ishimura, dead or alive."

Lexine looked down with a disappointed expression on her face. "So we are the only ones?"

"Yes... I'd say that." Nathan typed in a few commands into the display console. "We are almost there." He leaned back into his chair and gave out a sigh of relief.

"Almost where?" Lexine said quizzically.

"The Sprawl, a mega space station, we will get there and then we can forget about this nightmare."

"I don't think I can forget this hell." Sargent Weller said taking interest in the conversation. He got up and leaned over Lexine's seat. "Lets just hope nothing like this happens ever again."

"It will." Lexine got up out of her chair and grabbed another water bottle. "The Ishimura is still siting there, what if some fool stumbles onto it? What if it spreads! Until the day the Ishimura is obliterated, no place in this universe will be safe. Nathan... Gabe.... We must tell the Government, and they must destroy it!"

"We will Lexine, but for now we need to prepare, for all we know, the government could just shoot us for knowing to much. We have to come to them carefully and not let them come to us." Nathan got up from the Pilot's chair, and looked out of the main view port, in the distance he could see the Sprawl, it was a wonder how it took them so long, the engines malfunctioned while they made their escape from the Ishimura, fixing this was no easy task, they sat their vulnerable to asteroids, eventually they figured out what was wrong, necromorph biomass was clogging the engines, they had to burn it out. He snapped from his thinking, "We need to check this ship for infection, the infection must not spread."

"We checked so many times Nathan, we will burn the ship if we have to once we find somewhere safe..." Lexine said with a irritated tone as if they had talked about this a hundred times.

"I fear that it may be to late Lexine...."



Necromorphs surrounded Isaac and Nicole, plasma cutter fire cut through the crowd, limbs and blood began to cover the area, but as each necromorph fell more seemed to take its place. Dissatisfied with the results of his onslaughts Isaac took out his line gun and fired off waves of searing plasma, each cutting a path through the groups of slashers , leapers, and even twitchers, Isaac and Nicole began to retreat down the bridge, their largest problem was the second group of necromorphs blocking their escape, Nicole took out her pulse rifle and tried to clear a escape route while Isaac kept the monstrosities on their tails away from the duo.

As both groups of necromorphs neared their prey, Nicole threw Isaac down and began to activate the pulse rifle's secondary fire, the barrel began to spin and the bullets cut down the beasts from all sides. The amount of blood and gore was inconceivable, think pools began to form on the floor, so much blood.

Isaac joined in as he fired into the necromorphs that were to low for the hail of fire to hit, and when Nicole had to reload he rifle.. A wall of limbs and bodies began to form making it extremely hard to fight off the wave after wave of necromorphst, Isaac fired off a mine and waited for it to blow threw the wall of bodies, blood sprayed every where as the mine blew, Isaac and Nicole ceased their fire and began to run through the crowd of necromorphs, they cut their way through them as the made their escape. The group that was impeded by the wall of their brethren began to pour out from it, as Nicole and Isaac reached the door, and safety, a huge mass burst forth from the group.... It was a brute, the behemoth charged toward Isaac as he tried to slow it down with shot after searing shot from his line gun, but to no avail, as it closed the gap between it and Nicole, it reared back its huge fist and grabbed her. She couldn't let out a scream before her head was smashed to pieces by the monstrous hand. Her blood splattered all over Isaac, his eye widened, he couldn't move, he was flabbergasted by what just happened. He had just lost the love of his life, as he took in the moment the brutes massive body smashed him into the wall.

"NICOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Isaac awoke with such fear, he jumped up and fought back hallucinations that weren't there, he fired a whole clip of searing hot plasma at the co-pilot's seat thinking it was one of those things. He gripped the situation and what just happened, almost immediately it dawned on him, it was all a nightmare..... just a horrible nightmare...

This is my FF for Dead space 2 Razz Sorry I couldn't resist making one about Dead space Very Happy

Please comment I hope you like it.


Last edited by Death no more on Thu Dec 17, 2009 2:55 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Death is near Empty Re: Death is near

Post by Ziggy on Mon Dec 14, 2009 9:57 pm

I'm not going to comment on the plot, but in terms of sentence structure and pace, it's a bit of a dog's breakfast. Try replacing some of the commas with periods and starting new sentences. I can't give any specific examples, although the first paragraph has some pretty sloppy commas.
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Death is near Empty Re: Death is near

Post by Death no More on Tue Dec 15, 2009 6:31 pm

Ziggy wrote:I'm not going to comment on the plot, but in terms of sentence structure and pace, it's a bit of a dog's breakfast. Try replacing some of the commas with periods and starting new sentences. I can't give any specific examples, although the first paragraph has some pretty sloppy commas.
Will do
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Death is near Empty Re: Death is near

Post by Etsharrin Hopsarrith on Wed Dec 16, 2009 12:01 am

I do hope you know that "death is neigh" says, "the thing that takes away lives happens to have a voice like a horse" to me.

Neigh is the sound a horse makes.

You're looking for the word "NIGH"... no E. It means "nearby" or "close", as was suggested by the title's structure.

That's... the only reason I clicked here. Spotted a typo. Must. Correct. Typos. (i'm a bit of an obsessive-compulsive, anal-retentive type when it comes to typos, sorry...)

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Death is near Empty Re: Death is near

Post by Offensive Bias on Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:56 am

Etsharrin Hopsarrith wrote:I do hope you know that "death is neigh" says, "the thing that takes away lives happens to have a voice like a horse" to me.

Neigh is the sound a horse makes.

You're looking for the word "NIGH"... no E. It means "nearby" or "close", as was suggested by the title's structure.

That's... the only reason I clicked here. Spotted a typo. Must. Correct. Typos. (i'm a bit of an obsessive-compulsive, anal-retentive type when it comes to typos, sorry...)

-Etsharrin Hopsarrith
Well, in that case... You missed a capital "I" in "I'm"
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Post by Etsharrin Hopsarrith on Wed Dec 16, 2009 9:03 am

AAAEEEEIIIII!!!!!!

*goes nutzoid*
-EH
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Death is near Empty Re: Death is near

Post by Vigil on Wed Dec 16, 2009 9:15 am

Offensive Bias wrote:
Etsharrin Hopsarrith wrote:I do hope you know that "death is neigh" says, "the thing that takes away lives happens to have a voice like a horse" to me.

Neigh is the sound a horse makes.

You're looking for the word "NIGH"... no E. It means "nearby" or "close", as was suggested by the title's structure.

That's... the only reason I clicked here. Spotted a typo. Must. Correct. Typos. (i'm a bit of an obsessive-compulsive, anal-retentive type when it comes to typos, sorry...)

-Etsharrin Hopsarrith
Well, in that case... You missed a capital "I" in "I'm"

And I would of put a Captial D in 'Death in Neigh' as it's the beginning of a sentence and a title. Same the dialogue box begining with 'the' and change it to 'The'

MUST CAPTIALISE EVERYTHING.

;P

_________________
Death is near Viggy
Death is near House

A still more glorious dawn awaits.
Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
A morning filled with 400 billion suns
The rising of the milky way

You can fight like a Krogan, run like a Leopard
But you'll never be better than Commander Shepard
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Death is near Empty Re: Death is near

Post by Gold Spartan on Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:09 pm

Vigil wrote:
Offensive Bias wrote:
Etsharrin Hopsarrith wrote:I do hope you know that "death is neigh" says, "the thing that takes away lives happens to have a voice like a horse" to me.

Neigh is the sound a horse makes.

You're looking for the word "NIGH"... no E. It means "nearby" or "close", as was suggested by the title's structure.

That's... the only reason I clicked here. Spotted a typo. Must. Correct. Typos. (i'm a bit of an obsessive-compulsive, anal-retentive type when it comes to typos, sorry...)

-Etsharrin Hopsarrith
Well, in that case... You missed a capital "I" in "I'm"

And I would of put a Captial D in 'Death in Neigh' as it's the beginning of a sentence and a title. Same the dialogue box begining with 'the' and change it to 'The'

MUST CAPTIALISE EVERYTHING.

;P
In that case you need to capitalize ";" and make it ":" Razz
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Death is near Empty Re: Death is near

Post by Vigil on Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:25 pm

I MEANT WORDS NOT SIMILES.

_________________
Death is near Viggy
Death is near House

A still more glorious dawn awaits.
Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
A morning filled with 400 billion suns
The rising of the milky way

You can fight like a Krogan, run like a Leopard
But you'll never be better than Commander Shepard
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Post by Gold Spartan on Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:26 pm

THEN MAKE YOUR SMILIES RIGHT!
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Death is near Empty Re: Death is near

Post by Vigil on Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:28 pm

HOW ABOUT NO.

_________________
Death is near Viggy
Death is near House

A still more glorious dawn awaits.
Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise
A morning filled with 400 billion suns
The rising of the milky way

You can fight like a Krogan, run like a Leopard
But you'll never be better than Commander Shepard
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Death is near Empty Re: Death is near

Post by Divine Virus on Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:30 pm

ARE YOU CHALLANGING BATMAN?!

YOU FOOL! HE IS THE GOD DAMN MAN OF BAT!

[caps ftw] Razz
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Death is near Empty Re: Death is near

Post by Death no More on Wed Dec 16, 2009 5:50 pm

..............
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Death is near Empty Re: Death is near

Post by XNate02 on Wed Dec 16, 2009 6:05 pm

Looking good

keep up the good work ;)
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Post by R!zZle BiZzl£ on Thu Dec 17, 2009 9:51 am

yeah, im liking this. Smile
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Post by Death no More on Thu Dec 17, 2009 2:57 pm

XNate02 wrote:Looking good

keep up the good work ;)

R!zZle BiZzl£ wrote:yeah, im liking this. Smile

Very Happy the second chapter will be up in 2-3 days, and thanks for compliments.
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Post by Gold Spartan on Thu Dec 17, 2009 3:59 pm

I see you fixed your title. Razz
anyways, I think it has some potential...Only I've never played Dead Space so I'll be at a loss. Razz
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Post by Death no More on Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:02 pm

Gold Spartan5 wrote:I see you fixed your title. Razz
anyways, I think it has some potential...Only I've never played Dead Space so I'll be at a loss. Razz
Play it, it's a very good game with deeper story than Halo :ce.
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