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Post by BBJynne on Wed Aug 19, 2009 12:58 am

BBJynne says, "hi"


START

This could be old, But I find it hilarious, I found it a couple of years ago so I thought I'd share it. I take no claim.

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's aprimeexample offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph,and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was turned in by two English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).

-----------------------------------------------------
THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind of fCarl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
----------------------------------------------------- (second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation17,???*??he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established.No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle-beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

-----------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things round her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

----------------------------------------------------- (Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

----------------------------------------------------- (Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

----------------------------------------------------- (Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of #@#!ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such a nair headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

------------------------------------------------------ (Rebecca)

Asshole.

---------------------------------------------------- (Gary)

Bitch.

----------------------------------------------------- (Rebecca)

DICK!

----------------------------------------------------- (Gary)

Slut.

----------------------------------------------------- (Rebecca)

Get fucked.

----------------------------------------------------- (Gary)

Eat shit.

----------------------------------------------------- (Rebecca)

FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

------------------------------------------------------- (Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

**********************************************
(TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one.

BBJynne
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Post by Divine Virus on Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:08 am

OMG BB EPIC WIN!!!

Words can not express how awesome that is. I agree with Gary, fuck that whore and her tea I want to hear more about this interplanetary war that's going on. lol Razz

+ 1,000,000 for BB!
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Post by Gauz on Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:15 am

So... are we going to do this?
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Post by BBJynne on Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:16 am

Gauz wrote:So... are we going to do this?

yes, but... be gentle

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Post by Gauz on Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:17 am

awwww... I wanted to copypasta my storie...

oh well

Ontopic: Hey BB, how was your day at work today? I have lunch break so I decided to do some catching up with some old friends.
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Post by BBJynne on Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:20 am

hi gauz
well, I'm doing okay... I was being nice to annoying customers during the morning.
and then it came to me, I can just kill all these people.

So I did.



how've you been?

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Post by Gauz on Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:21 am

Wait, you murdered all of the people at your work?!

ARE YOU INSANE! I'M GOING TO CALL THE COPS!
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Post by BBJynne on Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:23 am

I wouldn't describe is as murder myself.
More like... arbitrary removal of undesirable persons.

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Post by Gauz on Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:24 am

Oh... well thats understandable

*sits back down*
Well I shouldn't complain, I have a dead guy in the trunk of my car.
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Post by Ziggy on Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:26 am

Ah, that's awesome. Thanks for the read. Very Happy
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Post by Gauz on Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:28 am

I was walking my dog down the river today, why I bumped my head on the glass floating pillow, and the I strangely remember "I have a hot cup of tea cooling in the frige right now! I have to get back before it boils all over!" So I ran up to get home quickly, then dropped my keys to open the window and climbed through. I then realized, I was in the wrong house. I put on my mustache and said "Well fuck, it happened again. This person should really stop putting their house where my house is supposed to be!" I then tried to find my house, but no matter how hard I tried to find it, it could not be found. I was about to give up hope, when my airplane stated ringing. So I answered the airplane and a man on the other end he'd seen my house in his back yard! I quickly sailed over there on my watermelon boat to retrive my house. I had a collar and its faveorite bag of treats, it wasn't getting away this time! I had to take out my .45 and cap the bitch to make it stop biting me and getting all up on me with its house'ness. It was a long haul to take a house back to Neverland, and I still had to sort the legal issues with MJ and claim ownership over Neverland. I just want the candy, and the pretty flowers, and the ferris wheel.
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Post by Ukurse on Wed Aug 19, 2009 4:55 am

Gauz wrote:I was walking my dog down the river today, why I bumped my head on the glass floating pillow, and the I strangely remember "I have a hot cup of tea cooling in the frige right now! I have to get back before it boils all over!" So I ran up to get home quickly, then dropped my keys to open the window and climbed through. I then realized, I was in the wrong house. I put on my mustache and said "Well fuck, it happened again. This person should really stop putting their house where my house is supposed to be!" I then tried to find my house, but no matter how hard I tried to find it, it could not be found. I was about to give up hope, when my airplane stated ringing. So I answered the airplane and a man on the other end he'd seen my house in his back yard! I quickly sailed over there on my watermelon boat to retrive my house. I had a collar and its faveorite bag of treats, it wasn't getting away this time! I had to take out my .45 and cap the bitch to make it stop biting me and getting all up on me with its house'ness. It was a long haul to take a house back to Neverland, and I still had to sort the legal issues with MJ and claim ownership over Neverland. I just want the candy, and the pretty flowers, and the ferris wheel.
FUCK YOU SLUT!!
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Post by Cheese on Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:29 am

That's an awesome story. I had heard of it, but not read it.

And dude, tea every time.

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Post by LH Justin on Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:52 am

We need to shoot the tea with our "LAZAR BEEMZ"!
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Post by MrX on Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:53 am

she should of had earl grey
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