Vigil's Rants.
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Re: Vigil's Rants.
Halo 3... *shivers*
so... EASY...
so... EASY...
Nocbl2- Lord's Personal Minion
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Re: Vigil's Rants.
Finally!!!! I beat ninja gaiden's first boss after discovering how to block He was tough. lol The awesome thing now is that im stuck on the second level trying to kill all these horsemen! They're to strong
Death no More- Lord's Personal Minion
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Re: Vigil's Rants.
New Rant, now with 30% more anger and venom
Vigil’s Rants
Part VII: The Arse Factor
Ugh…another year. Another X Factor. For those in the U.S. who may not be familiar with this annual monstrosity, let me enlighten you. After our version of American Idol (Called Pop Idol) ended in about 2003, Simon Cowell took control of the idea and created the X Factor. It is essentially the same premise, he and a panel of 3-4 judges (4 for the last couple of years) judge wannabe singers and narrows them down to one who wins a singing contract. The difference is they separate them in four categories: Under 25’s, Over 25’s, Groups and Girls. Each is assigned to a judge and they battle out until there is only one.
Now I fucking hate this program, and this rant has been simmering for years. Time to explain why I hate it. Simon Cowell is the main reason why. You see, he controls EVERYTHING about this show, he fires and adds judges when he feels like it, and the show is very clearly set up that the winner’s single always comes just before Christmas, almost making sure that it gets to Christmas number 1 in the single and guess who signs all the winners? SIMON.
They really should rename the show: Simon’s money making generator. Whoever wins is irrelevant, as the real winner is Simon. And now for the other Judges. Louis Walsh, former manager of Boyzone. An annoying old sod, who just whines on about divas, and has created the nightmare that was John and Edward (Two twins who couldn’t sing and has ruined the Ghostbusters theme for me forever.) Danni Minogue, sister to the better in the every single way Kylie Minogue. She’s has no talent, has no taste in music and deserves to be in the shadow of her sister, and I don’t even like her either. Then there’s Cheryl Cole. CHERYL BLOODY COLE. She was on one of these talent shows, and was part of a group and last year was made a judge. Now she is such an annoying bitch. Everybody seems to love her for last year, but SHE JUST A MANIPULATIVE BITCH. Every single fucking sob story about how this contest was raped or, had a rough childhood and she’s balling her eyes out. It got old the third time you did it, and now on the 2000000th time I want to kill you. She’s not attractive, she’s not clever, she not a nice person (People seem to forget she nearly went to prison for punching a woman in the face in a toilet for NO reason.) and Simon of course.
Another thing that pisses me off is the system that they always use. They play the same 4-5 upbeat songs when somebody goes through and 4-5 when they don’t. The first part isn’t so bad, especially the bad singers (even though there are staged like hell) then comes the last few. I don’t care at this point because guess what happens. They sing the same, generic average song EVERY SINGLE FUCKING YEAR. And populate the music industry with more pop crap. Previous winners, like Leona Lewis (Blatant Mariah Carey rip off!) and Alexandra Burke, taking decent songs and raping them into generic boring ballads which are destined to be played at thick peoples funerals. And even some of the winners fail (Steve Bernstein in 2003 had one record then faded in obscurity, as did Leon in 2006, they were ‘Marketable’ for Simons factory of terrible generic music.)
I also hate the false controversy they’ve been sneaking to the show, as it’s as staged as Broadway musical. The supposed ‘rigged’ voting, the deadlocked voting bullshit. All it’s there to do is to create talk about the show and increase ratings. It’s all so obvious I’m surprised why no one has seen this and said ‘FUCK THIS SHOW’
So at last it’s over for another year and the contest between Samwise Gamgee (Oley Murrs) and a big tooth 13 year old (Joe Mceldery) ended with the little singing pip squeak winning over the saviour of middle Earth. And now we have to enjoy the joy of the little shit singing a Hannah Montana song giving Simon yet more money just in time for next year.
I hope one day the retarded excuse that we call the general public stops giving this arrogant selfish, conniving, manipulative, money-obsessed, destroyer of good music duckweed the finger and leave him and his dated tired bullshit excuse for a show to die a slow and painful death.
FUCK THIS SHOW, FUCK SIMON COWELL AND FUCK ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO LIKE IT.
My personal message to Simon
Vigil’s Rants
Part VII: The Arse Factor
Ugh…another year. Another X Factor. For those in the U.S. who may not be familiar with this annual monstrosity, let me enlighten you. After our version of American Idol (Called Pop Idol) ended in about 2003, Simon Cowell took control of the idea and created the X Factor. It is essentially the same premise, he and a panel of 3-4 judges (4 for the last couple of years) judge wannabe singers and narrows them down to one who wins a singing contract. The difference is they separate them in four categories: Under 25’s, Over 25’s, Groups and Girls. Each is assigned to a judge and they battle out until there is only one.
Now I fucking hate this program, and this rant has been simmering for years. Time to explain why I hate it. Simon Cowell is the main reason why. You see, he controls EVERYTHING about this show, he fires and adds judges when he feels like it, and the show is very clearly set up that the winner’s single always comes just before Christmas, almost making sure that it gets to Christmas number 1 in the single and guess who signs all the winners? SIMON.
They really should rename the show: Simon’s money making generator. Whoever wins is irrelevant, as the real winner is Simon. And now for the other Judges. Louis Walsh, former manager of Boyzone. An annoying old sod, who just whines on about divas, and has created the nightmare that was John and Edward (Two twins who couldn’t sing and has ruined the Ghostbusters theme for me forever.) Danni Minogue, sister to the better in the every single way Kylie Minogue. She’s has no talent, has no taste in music and deserves to be in the shadow of her sister, and I don’t even like her either. Then there’s Cheryl Cole. CHERYL BLOODY COLE. She was on one of these talent shows, and was part of a group and last year was made a judge. Now she is such an annoying bitch. Everybody seems to love her for last year, but SHE JUST A MANIPULATIVE BITCH. Every single fucking sob story about how this contest was raped or, had a rough childhood and she’s balling her eyes out. It got old the third time you did it, and now on the 2000000th time I want to kill you. She’s not attractive, she’s not clever, she not a nice person (People seem to forget she nearly went to prison for punching a woman in the face in a toilet for NO reason.) and Simon of course.
Another thing that pisses me off is the system that they always use. They play the same 4-5 upbeat songs when somebody goes through and 4-5 when they don’t. The first part isn’t so bad, especially the bad singers (even though there are staged like hell) then comes the last few. I don’t care at this point because guess what happens. They sing the same, generic average song EVERY SINGLE FUCKING YEAR. And populate the music industry with more pop crap. Previous winners, like Leona Lewis (Blatant Mariah Carey rip off!) and Alexandra Burke, taking decent songs and raping them into generic boring ballads which are destined to be played at thick peoples funerals. And even some of the winners fail (Steve Bernstein in 2003 had one record then faded in obscurity, as did Leon in 2006, they were ‘Marketable’ for Simons factory of terrible generic music.)
I also hate the false controversy they’ve been sneaking to the show, as it’s as staged as Broadway musical. The supposed ‘rigged’ voting, the deadlocked voting bullshit. All it’s there to do is to create talk about the show and increase ratings. It’s all so obvious I’m surprised why no one has seen this and said ‘FUCK THIS SHOW’
So at last it’s over for another year and the contest between Samwise Gamgee (Oley Murrs) and a big tooth 13 year old (Joe Mceldery) ended with the little singing pip squeak winning over the saviour of middle Earth. And now we have to enjoy the joy of the little shit singing a Hannah Montana song giving Simon yet more money just in time for next year.
I hope one day the retarded excuse that we call the general public stops giving this arrogant selfish, conniving, manipulative, money-obsessed, destroyer of good music duckweed the finger and leave him and his dated tired bullshit excuse for a show to die a slow and painful death.
FUCK THIS SHOW, FUCK SIMON COWELL AND FUCK ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO LIKE IT.
My personal message to Simon
Last edited by Vigil on Sun Dec 13, 2009 3:50 pm; edited 1 time in total
Vigil- Dark Knight of the Flames
- Number of posts : 4810
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Location : Unknown.
Registration date : 2009-01-12
Re: Vigil's Rants.
you should rant about the new Halo: Reach Trailer...
laxspartan007- Minion
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Location : Embry Riddle Aeronutical University
Registration date : 2009-02-09
Re: Vigil's Rants.
Sigh...
I actually have distanced myself from the music industry for several years, so I really don't have anything to complain about...
Unless we want to get on the subject of a certain performing monkey...
I actually have distanced myself from the music industry for several years, so I really don't have anything to complain about...
Unless we want to get on the subject of a certain performing monkey...
Rasq'uire'laskar- Crimson Scribe
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Location : Follow the cold shivers running down your spine.
Registration date : 2008-06-29
Re: Vigil's Rants.
Rasq'uire'laskar wrote:
Unless we want to get on the subject of a certain performing monkey...
Hey! You promised me you wouldn't bring that up ever again.... That was a long time ago and i dont preform anymore
XNate02- Lord's Personal Minion
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Re: Vigil's Rants.
XNate02 wrote:Rasq'uire'laskar wrote:
Unless we want to get on the subject of a certain performing monkey...
Hey! You promised me you wouldn't bring that up ever again.... That was a long time ago and i dont preform anymore
That was a sad, sad day for the performing monkey business.
A_Bearded_Swede- Crimson Chef
- Number of posts : 1743
Age : 31
Location : Jersey
Registration date : 2008-06-19
Re: Vigil's Rants.
I was talking about a certain "Micheal Jackson".XNate02 wrote:Rasq'uire'laskar wrote:
Unless we want to get on the subject of a certain performing monkey...
Hey! You promised me you wouldn't bring that up ever again.... That was a long time ago and i dont preform anymore
A poor monkey in search of an organ grinder.
Rasq'uire'laskar- Crimson Scribe
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Location : Follow the cold shivers running down your spine.
Registration date : 2008-06-29
Re: Vigil's Rants.
Whats wrong with micheal jackson?Rasq'uire'laskar wrote:I was talking about a certain "Micheal Jackson".XNate02 wrote:Rasq'uire'laskar wrote:
Unless we want to get on the subject of a certain performing monkey...
Hey! You promised me you wouldn't bring that up ever again.... That was a long time ago and i dont preform anymore
A poor monkey in search of an organ grinder.
Gauz- Crimson Medic
- Number of posts : 7687
Registration date : 2009-02-11
Re: Vigil's Rants.
I've never heard of or watched this show, so yeah w/e
BBJynne- The Lord's Blood Knight
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Re: Vigil's Rants.
Rasq'uire'laskar wrote:I was talking about a certain "Micheal Jackson".XNate02 wrote:Rasq'uire'laskar wrote:
Unless we want to get on the subject of a certain performing monkey...
Hey! You promised me you wouldn't bring that up ever again.... That was a long time ago and i dont preform anymore
A poor monkey in search of an organ grinder.
Michael Jackson? Monkey?
PiEdude- Crimson Jester
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Re: Vigil's Rants.
New spur of the moment rant, based on some recent events on teh interwebs that pisses me off.
Vigil’s Rants
Part VIII: Achievement junkies and how far the internet is willing to go.
Yay to me I’m actually going to be topical again, as you just loved the last rant. Recently I was looking through youtube while I was doing some writing and waiting for a bit more activity on crimson flame. So I found this video on machinima’s channel, called Civil Disobedience with Wez about achievement whores, so with nothing better to do, I watched it. It has now been removed from youtube for volition of the code of conduct there, so I’ll give you the jist of what happened.
The video was made in response to this article about a female achievement junkie, who like most of them plays bad games to get the achievements.
http://kotaku.com/5422154/achievement-chore-she-plays-for-gamerscore-whether-its-fun-or-not
Now this guy was obviously trying to imitate Ben ‘Yahtzee’ Crowshaw speaking pretty fast and being very scathing in his tirade Here’s the only other video he has left (And by the way, he’s a retarded in this one as well, as I can only think of maybe five games this Christmas, and most of the big releases are in the spring, so of all years to rant about this, your sense of timing isn’t the best.)
Now onto the removed video. In this video he started off by saying he was pissed off playing L4D2 because his friends were trying for the gnome achievement, and he wasn’t up for it, because he just wanted to play the game properly not continually doing the same level over and over until they did it. So far very general, then he focuses on this gamer, and launches a verbal attack on her, saying she is a poor mother, a lazy bitch who won’t get a job and her husband is out fucking prostitutes because she’s so neglectful. He says that maybe she should strive to be the best mum in the world, and to play games for fun, not for little achievements.
Well, let’s just say the achievement hunting community wasn’t very happy about this
http://www.xbox360achievements.org/news-1487-A-Letter-From-The-Editor--When-The-Internet-Goes-Too-Far.html
Now this is where I come in. I’m a bit of an Achievement hunter myself, striving to get all the achievements in games, but only when I’ve finished with the main story and are looking for other things to do.
Achievements are just little rewards for playing a game through, do anything and everything you could think off, some of them are really fun to play through, like the ‘one free bullet’ in the Orange box, or ‘Vidmaster Endure’. The challenge to get it makes the little bleep and addition to points to your tally as a marker that you did it. I honestly don’t think I would have pushed myself as a gamer and actually improve, as before I got a 360, I never played on harder difficulties, now I play them frequently, as my skills have improved by trying out these little challenges.
Now my view on this. While I do agree with Wez to a degree, as playing games just for achievements just isn’t fun at all, I play the games I have a vested interest in, and strive to finish them, like Mass Effect and Bioshock. But to verbally attack a person you have no knowledge about, except a short little interview? You have no right to insinuate anything about her personal life and what you said was in pig headed ignorance. I play games, and have a pretty decent gamerscore, but I also have time go to university, study, do coursework, do writing, and go out with my friends and watch movies, I must be a failure at life too, oh please Wez, tell me I’m a lonely retard who cheats, even though I get virtually all my achievements legitimately.
Seriously both sides have a point, as junkies really need a bit of balance, while, their critics need to keep it general, as attacks on one person are not warranted and are just one step away from downright trolling hate.
I’m glad the video has been removed, but seriously, I think all of them could learn something from this, even if it just is people on the internet are retarded.
Vigil’s Rants
Part VIII: Achievement junkies and how far the internet is willing to go.
Yay to me I’m actually going to be topical again, as you just loved the last rant. Recently I was looking through youtube while I was doing some writing and waiting for a bit more activity on crimson flame. So I found this video on machinima’s channel, called Civil Disobedience with Wez about achievement whores, so with nothing better to do, I watched it. It has now been removed from youtube for volition of the code of conduct there, so I’ll give you the jist of what happened.
The video was made in response to this article about a female achievement junkie, who like most of them plays bad games to get the achievements.
http://kotaku.com/5422154/achievement-chore-she-plays-for-gamerscore-whether-its-fun-or-not
Now this guy was obviously trying to imitate Ben ‘Yahtzee’ Crowshaw speaking pretty fast and being very scathing in his tirade Here’s the only other video he has left (And by the way, he’s a retarded in this one as well, as I can only think of maybe five games this Christmas, and most of the big releases are in the spring, so of all years to rant about this, your sense of timing isn’t the best.)
Now onto the removed video. In this video he started off by saying he was pissed off playing L4D2 because his friends were trying for the gnome achievement, and he wasn’t up for it, because he just wanted to play the game properly not continually doing the same level over and over until they did it. So far very general, then he focuses on this gamer, and launches a verbal attack on her, saying she is a poor mother, a lazy bitch who won’t get a job and her husband is out fucking prostitutes because she’s so neglectful. He says that maybe she should strive to be the best mum in the world, and to play games for fun, not for little achievements.
Well, let’s just say the achievement hunting community wasn’t very happy about this
http://www.xbox360achievements.org/news-1487-A-Letter-From-The-Editor--When-The-Internet-Goes-Too-Far.html
Now this is where I come in. I’m a bit of an Achievement hunter myself, striving to get all the achievements in games, but only when I’ve finished with the main story and are looking for other things to do.
Achievements are just little rewards for playing a game through, do anything and everything you could think off, some of them are really fun to play through, like the ‘one free bullet’ in the Orange box, or ‘Vidmaster Endure’. The challenge to get it makes the little bleep and addition to points to your tally as a marker that you did it. I honestly don’t think I would have pushed myself as a gamer and actually improve, as before I got a 360, I never played on harder difficulties, now I play them frequently, as my skills have improved by trying out these little challenges.
Now my view on this. While I do agree with Wez to a degree, as playing games just for achievements just isn’t fun at all, I play the games I have a vested interest in, and strive to finish them, like Mass Effect and Bioshock. But to verbally attack a person you have no knowledge about, except a short little interview? You have no right to insinuate anything about her personal life and what you said was in pig headed ignorance. I play games, and have a pretty decent gamerscore, but I also have time go to university, study, do coursework, do writing, and go out with my friends and watch movies, I must be a failure at life too, oh please Wez, tell me I’m a lonely retard who cheats, even though I get virtually all my achievements legitimately.
Seriously both sides have a point, as junkies really need a bit of balance, while, their critics need to keep it general, as attacks on one person are not warranted and are just one step away from downright trolling hate.
I’m glad the video has been removed, but seriously, I think all of them could learn something from this, even if it just is people on the internet are retarded.
Vigil- Dark Knight of the Flames
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Registration date : 2009-01-12
Re: Vigil's Rants.
Thanks.
I hope this Wez guy get's his partnership with Machinima removed.
I hope this Wez guy get's his partnership with Machinima removed.
Vigil- Dark Knight of the Flames
- Number of posts : 4810
Age : 34
Location : Unknown.
Registration date : 2009-01-12
Re: Vigil's Rants.
I guess I am not much of an achievement whore.
I get achievements like "One Bullet free" in The Orange Box, or 69 stars for Spec Ops in MW2. But that is just as an extra challenge to extend the life of the game, and for the enjoyment that is gained over the time getting the achievements. The achievement is just as a bonus. If the Developers of a game put an achievement in the game, like only using one bullet the whole game it is probably going to be fun to try.
Achievement Whoring/Hunting is not about what you do, it is about you intentions why you do it. Anyone can buy or rent Avatar: the Burning Earth, or play though the whole of HL:EP1 only firing one bullet but an achievement whore would do it solely for the achievements.
I guess, an Achievement Whore/hunter would say that is is all about the Destination not the journey, and a normal gamer would say it is the journey not the destination. (Eg: playing through Halo 3 Legendary.)
Also, I enjoyed reading the rant.
I get achievements like "One Bullet free" in The Orange Box, or 69 stars for Spec Ops in MW2. But that is just as an extra challenge to extend the life of the game, and for the enjoyment that is gained over the time getting the achievements. The achievement is just as a bonus. If the Developers of a game put an achievement in the game, like only using one bullet the whole game it is probably going to be fun to try.
Achievement Whoring/Hunting is not about what you do, it is about you intentions why you do it. Anyone can buy or rent Avatar: the Burning Earth, or play though the whole of HL:EP1 only firing one bullet but an achievement whore would do it solely for the achievements.
I guess, an Achievement Whore/hunter would say that is is all about the Destination not the journey, and a normal gamer would say it is the journey not the destination. (Eg: playing through Halo 3 Legendary.)
Also, I enjoyed reading the rant.
Last edited by Ukurse on Sun Dec 20, 2009 4:38 pm; edited 2 times in total
Ukurse- Minion
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Re: Vigil's Rants.
Ukurse wrote:I guess I am not much of an achievement whore.
I get achievements like "One Bullet free" in The Orange Box, or 69 stars for Spec Ops in MW2. But that is just as an extra challenge to extend the life of the game, and for the enjoyment that is gained over the time getting the achievements.
I guess an Achievement Whore/hunter would say that is is all about the Destination not the journey, and a normal gamer would say it is the journey not the destination. (Eg: playing through Halo 3 Legendary.)
Also, I enjoyed reading the rant.
I only play through games I have an interest in, I would waste my time buying something like the infamous Avatar: The burning Earth for points.
I have 1000/1000 for Batman AA and that's because I really enjoyed that game, and I had fun playing through the challenges.
Vigil- Dark Knight of the Flames
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Re: Vigil's Rants.
I don't hunt achievements.
It's just so much more fun when you melee a Brute that's coming after you, because it's the only thing you can do at that range with a Brute shot, and you get that Bleep Bloop!
It's just so much more fun when you melee a Brute that's coming after you, because it's the only thing you can do at that range with a Brute shot, and you get that Bleep Bloop!
Rasq'uire'laskar- Crimson Scribe
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Location : Follow the cold shivers running down your spine.
Registration date : 2008-06-29
Re: Vigil's Rants.
I dislike achievement hunters, as I think its a waste of time. If you play a game you don't find fun, just to get achievements, you're stupid as fuck.
When you do it not for fun, but to have more gamerscore, it makes me angry, its a waste of time. Unless you're being rewarded thousands of dollars for gaining them that is. Wait, you're not getting a reward? Well that sucks then.
I especially dislike it when they interfere with my gaming..
When you do it not for fun, but to have more gamerscore, it makes me angry, its a waste of time. Unless you're being rewarded thousands of dollars for gaining them that is. Wait, you're not getting a reward? Well that sucks then.
I especially dislike it when they interfere with my gaming..
Gauz- Crimson Medic
- Number of posts : 7687
Registration date : 2009-02-11
Re: Vigil's Rants.
Rasq'uire'laskar wrote:I don't hunt achievements.
It's just so much more fun when you melee a Brute that's coming after you, because it's the only thing you can do at that range with a Brute shot, and you get that Bleep Bloop!
Exactly it's nice to just get one when your mucking about.
I didn't know there was an achievement for Ravenholm in Half-life 2 in the orange box, I was just mucking around with the Garvity gun because I'd just got it.
I only go for them if I've done the story and I want something to work for.
Vigil- Dark Knight of the Flames
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Re: Vigil's Rants.
Eh. It gives me something else to do than playing Halo or CoD multiplayer over and over again.
Plus: BLEEP-BLOOP!
Plus: BLEEP-BLOOP!
Felix- Banana
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Re: Vigil's Rants.
I only go for achievements when i'm offline, or if people ask meh.
A_Bearded_Swede- Crimson Chef
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Re: Vigil's Rants.
New rant. Double the length, quadrple the rage.
Vigil’s Rants
Part IX: Wet Wet Wet: love is all around me, just not when I’m playing this fucking game!
Ah with a new just begun and Christmas finally over and done with, I’ve been working through the new additions of my game catalogue. Assassin’s Creed II, L4D2, Borderlands, the episodes of liberty city, all great fun and I’m enjoying them greatly. My sister all got me two games, which was a nice surprise. Dead Space which I am about halfway through and it’s exactly what I thought it would be (Resident Evil 4 in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE, but that’s the subject for another day). Now my sister hasn’t got the best taste in games, in fact her games catalogue reads like a top ten worst games: Golden Axe: Beast Rider, Eragon, Jaws Unleashed and several pretty bad dragon games. She outdid herself this time though, as for Christmas, she kindly bought me Wet. WET. So thanks a lot, thanks for this gaming monstrosity, and giving me something to get good and angry about post MW2.
There is so much wrong with this game, It makes me wonder who on earth this ever made it out of development. But I’ll start from the top. This might take a while.
Let’s start with the characters and the story as that’s a good place to start. You play as Rubi Malone (Rubi Rubi Rubi Rubiiiiiiii AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!) a hired gun who works for anyone and everyone. Now he comes one of the games most critical flaws. Rubi Malone is a fucking bitch. Seriously. She is alcoholic, she an asshole to friends and enemies alike, and treats her allies like crap, even if they’ve risked life and limb for her. She’s also get a real vicious sadist streak to her, brutally murdering anyone who looks at her funny, and it’s not even if it’s justified, as the people she horribly kills seem to be as sadistic and cruel, some of them are actually less. It’s hard for me to emphasise with a character that’s even more evil, vindictive and malicious than the supposed ‘villains’.
Than there are the villains themselves. Malcolm McDowell (Malcolm McDowell playing the bad guy? My god what a shocker!!!) plays the villain, tricking Rubi to kill his rival drug lord for him (though if he had asked her, she probably would have done it for him anyway.) She then goes an bloodthirsty quest for revenge, murdering everyone who stands in her way, even attacking the father of the rival drug lord because McDowell was wearing the same hat and overcoat as him (Ok, he supposed to be pretending to be the father, but its pretty fucking lame disguise if you ask me, and Rubi would have to be pretty stupid to fall for it, but knowing her it doesn’t surprise me.) he has two main enforcers. Some Mexican dude with swords who drops of the story about halfway through, as he has Rubi at his mercy, and then just opts and leaves never to be seen again. The second is some sort of Bloodrayne rip off with bladed pistols that doesn’t say or do anything. She gets killed off pretty easily (as for some reason beyond me she doesn’t LOAD HER ABSURD PISTOLS WITH ANY BULLETS.) Rubi gets her revenge and kills Malcolm even though in my eyes she’s just as bad as him, and get several of her friends killed just because of her bloodlust. I could talk about her support characters, but there in it for so little time and I have so much hate for Rubi I barely noticed them.
Well what about the gameplay you say? Broken and stale would be my response. In the first few hours I basically gave it an apt title for it: ‘The poor man’s stranglehold.’ The gimmick is basically the same, you do something acrobatic, like jumping, wall running or swinging from pipes caused you to go into slow mo, and you’ll be doing this ALL THE FUCKING TIME. As Rubi can’t shoot for shit in normal time, and she only uses one gun, even though she has another strapped to her side, means if you want to use your weapons effectively, you have to be constantly jumping and firing in slow mo, and it gets really old really fast. I mean Max Payne and Inspector Tequila used slow mo, but at least there was some fucking respite. Not here though.
There also half-assed platforming elements where you used acrobatic skills to traverse gaps and rooftops. Nice in theory the problem is, she will occasionally jump the wrong way, and the direction Rubi moves when holding on a ledge depends what direction you’re facing. Sometimes it just moving the stick vertically, then it horizontal. But the fucking worse part about these section is in the later stages, you have to do this when under fire, Rubi is pretty fucking slow when swing and wall running and it’s virtually impossible to defend yourself, so you will die OVER AND OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN.
Furthermore, just as you were getting sick of trying to defend yourself when you can’t shoot or shit the game throws in chase scenes where you fend of enemies while riding on tops of cars jumping routinely to another one when prompted by a quick time event. It’s hard enough to hit a target in normal speed when standing still, now you want me to do it at high speed, when shit is flying at me every five seconds? FUCK YOU. Also there are sections where Rubi gets blood over her face, sending her into a psychotic rage where she goes on a killing spree and going for a red and black colour comic book style scheme. It’s basically the exact same thing, just with the colour palette switched out, which can become a problem, because all the climbable and important targets are coloured in you guessed it RED. So when the entire stage is red and black it makes it really difficult to work out what the hell you’re supposed to be doing. Last thing on the list are the arenas which is basically a room filled with enemy spawn points where you have to disable then and kill all the enemies. Simple enough, but near the end you have to swing round and climb up to them, with mini bosses and tons of enemies shooting your chankles. Also the game mercilessly puts tons of them in the game, I would guess about 60-70% of the game is spent in these fucking rooms. Oh yeah and the ending the game is just one big quick time event. HOO-BLOODY-RAY.
How about the presentation? It’s trying its best to channel grindhouse with the degraded film look, which really stings the eyes after a while. Also for no reason I can understand, the game occasionally just stops and plays an commercial from the 1970’s, which really breaks of the flow of this slop bucket and the worst thing is they aren’t skippable, you have to sit there for 30 seconds or more watching this before you are allowed to play again. It seems like even the fucking game itself doesn’t want me to play it. The soundtrack are a bunch of unknowns trying for that 70’s action film feel, but to be honest, they start looping songs near the end, and if you’re stuck in a room, the last thing you want to hear is the same track over and over again.
Any positives to this game? Well at the main menu all you need to do is press X and bam you’re straight where you let off, which was a pretty good feature, and I get to see a lot of Rubi dying which is a good thing. Hell in the final quick time event you can watch Rubi die in a varied mix of horrible and just ways by Malcolm McDowell, which is quite entertaining. Other than that I can’t think of anything positive to say. This game pissed me off to end and makes me want to find the developers of this game and shove my burning copy up their lazy, over bloated brain-dead arseholes.
FUCK THIS GAME AND FUCK RUBI MALONE TO THE FIRES OF HADES.
Vigil’s Rants
Part IX: Wet Wet Wet: love is all around me, just not when I’m playing this fucking game!
Ah with a new just begun and Christmas finally over and done with, I’ve been working through the new additions of my game catalogue. Assassin’s Creed II, L4D2, Borderlands, the episodes of liberty city, all great fun and I’m enjoying them greatly. My sister all got me two games, which was a nice surprise. Dead Space which I am about halfway through and it’s exactly what I thought it would be (Resident Evil 4 in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE, but that’s the subject for another day). Now my sister hasn’t got the best taste in games, in fact her games catalogue reads like a top ten worst games: Golden Axe: Beast Rider, Eragon, Jaws Unleashed and several pretty bad dragon games. She outdid herself this time though, as for Christmas, she kindly bought me Wet. WET. So thanks a lot, thanks for this gaming monstrosity, and giving me something to get good and angry about post MW2.
There is so much wrong with this game, It makes me wonder who on earth this ever made it out of development. But I’ll start from the top. This might take a while.
Let’s start with the characters and the story as that’s a good place to start. You play as Rubi Malone (Rubi Rubi Rubi Rubiiiiiiii AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!) a hired gun who works for anyone and everyone. Now he comes one of the games most critical flaws. Rubi Malone is a fucking bitch. Seriously. She is alcoholic, she an asshole to friends and enemies alike, and treats her allies like crap, even if they’ve risked life and limb for her. She’s also get a real vicious sadist streak to her, brutally murdering anyone who looks at her funny, and it’s not even if it’s justified, as the people she horribly kills seem to be as sadistic and cruel, some of them are actually less. It’s hard for me to emphasise with a character that’s even more evil, vindictive and malicious than the supposed ‘villains’.
Than there are the villains themselves. Malcolm McDowell (Malcolm McDowell playing the bad guy? My god what a shocker!!!) plays the villain, tricking Rubi to kill his rival drug lord for him (though if he had asked her, she probably would have done it for him anyway.) She then goes an bloodthirsty quest for revenge, murdering everyone who stands in her way, even attacking the father of the rival drug lord because McDowell was wearing the same hat and overcoat as him (Ok, he supposed to be pretending to be the father, but its pretty fucking lame disguise if you ask me, and Rubi would have to be pretty stupid to fall for it, but knowing her it doesn’t surprise me.) he has two main enforcers. Some Mexican dude with swords who drops of the story about halfway through, as he has Rubi at his mercy, and then just opts and leaves never to be seen again. The second is some sort of Bloodrayne rip off with bladed pistols that doesn’t say or do anything. She gets killed off pretty easily (as for some reason beyond me she doesn’t LOAD HER ABSURD PISTOLS WITH ANY BULLETS.) Rubi gets her revenge and kills Malcolm even though in my eyes she’s just as bad as him, and get several of her friends killed just because of her bloodlust. I could talk about her support characters, but there in it for so little time and I have so much hate for Rubi I barely noticed them.
Well what about the gameplay you say? Broken and stale would be my response. In the first few hours I basically gave it an apt title for it: ‘The poor man’s stranglehold.’ The gimmick is basically the same, you do something acrobatic, like jumping, wall running or swinging from pipes caused you to go into slow mo, and you’ll be doing this ALL THE FUCKING TIME. As Rubi can’t shoot for shit in normal time, and she only uses one gun, even though she has another strapped to her side, means if you want to use your weapons effectively, you have to be constantly jumping and firing in slow mo, and it gets really old really fast. I mean Max Payne and Inspector Tequila used slow mo, but at least there was some fucking respite. Not here though.
There also half-assed platforming elements where you used acrobatic skills to traverse gaps and rooftops. Nice in theory the problem is, she will occasionally jump the wrong way, and the direction Rubi moves when holding on a ledge depends what direction you’re facing. Sometimes it just moving the stick vertically, then it horizontal. But the fucking worse part about these section is in the later stages, you have to do this when under fire, Rubi is pretty fucking slow when swing and wall running and it’s virtually impossible to defend yourself, so you will die OVER AND OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN.
Furthermore, just as you were getting sick of trying to defend yourself when you can’t shoot or shit the game throws in chase scenes where you fend of enemies while riding on tops of cars jumping routinely to another one when prompted by a quick time event. It’s hard enough to hit a target in normal speed when standing still, now you want me to do it at high speed, when shit is flying at me every five seconds? FUCK YOU. Also there are sections where Rubi gets blood over her face, sending her into a psychotic rage where she goes on a killing spree and going for a red and black colour comic book style scheme. It’s basically the exact same thing, just with the colour palette switched out, which can become a problem, because all the climbable and important targets are coloured in you guessed it RED. So when the entire stage is red and black it makes it really difficult to work out what the hell you’re supposed to be doing. Last thing on the list are the arenas which is basically a room filled with enemy spawn points where you have to disable then and kill all the enemies. Simple enough, but near the end you have to swing round and climb up to them, with mini bosses and tons of enemies shooting your chankles. Also the game mercilessly puts tons of them in the game, I would guess about 60-70% of the game is spent in these fucking rooms. Oh yeah and the ending the game is just one big quick time event. HOO-BLOODY-RAY.
How about the presentation? It’s trying its best to channel grindhouse with the degraded film look, which really stings the eyes after a while. Also for no reason I can understand, the game occasionally just stops and plays an commercial from the 1970’s, which really breaks of the flow of this slop bucket and the worst thing is they aren’t skippable, you have to sit there for 30 seconds or more watching this before you are allowed to play again. It seems like even the fucking game itself doesn’t want me to play it. The soundtrack are a bunch of unknowns trying for that 70’s action film feel, but to be honest, they start looping songs near the end, and if you’re stuck in a room, the last thing you want to hear is the same track over and over again.
Any positives to this game? Well at the main menu all you need to do is press X and bam you’re straight where you let off, which was a pretty good feature, and I get to see a lot of Rubi dying which is a good thing. Hell in the final quick time event you can watch Rubi die in a varied mix of horrible and just ways by Malcolm McDowell, which is quite entertaining. Other than that I can’t think of anything positive to say. This game pissed me off to end and makes me want to find the developers of this game and shove my burning copy up their lazy, over bloated brain-dead arseholes.
FUCK THIS GAME AND FUCK RUBI MALONE TO THE FIRES OF HADES.
Vigil- Dark Knight of the Flames
- Number of posts : 4810
Age : 34
Location : Unknown.
Registration date : 2009-01-12
Re: Vigil's Rants.
You really should have taught your sister.
BBJynne- The Lord's Blood Knight
- Number of posts : 5059
Age : 31
Registration date : 2008-03-24
Re: Vigil's Rants.
Hmmm, Wet.... already watched Yahtzee's review.
Gauz- Crimson Medic
- Number of posts : 7687
Registration date : 2009-02-11
Re: Vigil's Rants.
Gauz wrote:Hmmm, Wet.... already watched Yahtzee's review.
Your point being?
While his review was good and touched on some of the reasons it is bad, I layed into that motherfucker, I pointed out every single flaw.
Vigil- Dark Knight of the Flames
- Number of posts : 4810
Age : 34
Location : Unknown.
Registration date : 2009-01-12
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